Part 2

Okay I am back....I know all of you are chomping at the bit - can't focus on your real lives because you are so curious about mine....NOT!!!
I am such a kidder.
I thought about part 1 of today's blog while I was in my English class - "have I already gone too far?"
Like I said earlier - I don't often mention the state of my marriage, why start now?
Well, I guess my answer is for the sake of being really REAL.
I have sat down at the computer previously, during times of real struggle, and unleashed emotional rants about my marriage that I have decided NOT to post, rather leaving them private to hang out in my draft box for all of eternity.
I have written like a mad woman, had all the emotion gush out of me like a water spicket open full blast and then thought, whoa - hmmmm - too much - too private - too real.
That is so unlike me....
I guess that when it comes to a public forum where my neighbors and friends, family and complete strangers read my stuff - airing on the side of privately cautious seems the right, appropriate way to go.
And then there are the kids to consider, but with confidence I can state that I would never say anything here that I couldn't say to them - it may be uncomfortable and I may or may not use so many swear words - but all in all, if I had to explain my blog thinking to them - I could.
Before I began to write earlier - after cleaning up the coffee spill and taking deep breaths with Kristin the coffee girl, I thought long and hard about what this blog really is to me?
Is it a place where I only want to go "so far" or is it a place where I want to represent myself and my thoughts as honestly as I can?
I always vote for going the way of the honesty as long as it does not threaten any one's livelihood, reputation or feelings.
And feelings are always at risk of being bruised so I approach every subject with respect, NEVER (that I can think of) blogging in a way that could be offensive to anyone. I hope I have always succeeded at that - respecting that we are all different and feel differently is of the utmost importance to me.
If I have ever failed and offended anyone, please message me and let me know....
At any rate back to my question - did I go too far in blog Part 1????
I am going to say, after much thought NO, I did not.
It is probably time for me to address this aspect of my life in some way, shape or form. And....If my husband reads this (he doesn't) I am confident I did not say anything hurtful or mean, just my tactful opinion of my life and my reality.
It is after all, my life too.
So....the subject that prompted me to start down this road to begin with was, DOUBLE STANDARDS.
I am back to that finally - wow I really went around the long way.
After all the thinking I did after Part 1, what I really question is if 'double standard' is the right label for the behavior I was pissed about?
I think so - but - I am on the fence. Maybe as I write it out I will clarify for myself just what in the hell I am talking about.
And, I have decided that the very specific details of my conversation with my husband that made the top of my head blow off, DO NOT need to be revealed here - that would be too much.
Here goes....
My husband and I had an interesting conversation last night, that basically, when boiled down, revealed what is okay for men, generally speaking, is NOT okay for women.
Or, at the very least, will earn a woman a label for the behavior, that is far uglier than that which a man would slap on another man's chest - in my mind a lot of men would pin a medal on a male lapel for the same deed that would get a woman labeled a bitch, a slut, a home-wrecker, a cougar, yada yada yada.
Hmmmmmmm. Yup I think my assessment is accurate.
Without specifics, my husband took issue with something I did, that was the absolute, unequivocal, beyond a reason of a doubt, RIGHT THING TO DO.
I handled myself just right.
BUT I got lamb basted by him for inviting the problem by being me.
Not, that the other person was out of line having full knowledge of the said situation and making said choice to do said thing which prompted my CORRECT reaction, but rather than this MALE was exempt somehow and I was in the wrong?
ugh I know that is hard to sort through without specifics, trust me, this was a clear cut case of WHAT????? "So you can be faced with the same situation, make the WRONG choice and reason it away with a mouthful of lame excuses, BUT when I am faced with it and make the RIGHT choice somehow I am still guilty because I MUST have asked for it?"
Oh fuck no....
Why does our society do that?
Men get away with all kinds of shit, that women get all kinds of shit for doing...
It really pisses me off, like more than I can tell you.
A penis does not make you innocent.
A vagina does not make you automatically guilty OR guilty of asking for "it" OR provoking "it".
I have steam coming out of my ears again....there goes my smooth hair....ugh
Thing is, yes my husband made my blood boil, but that is normal - Dan and I living through each day on the same continent is a miraculous act of God.
What really gets me, really really gets me, is just how prevalent this train of thought is....
I wouldn't do half the shit that my husband has, but if I did, I guarantee a lot of you reading would think of me differently.
And not 'differently' than you do of me now necessarily, but differently than you would if you held Dan and I up to each other comparatively.
Grrrr so many examples and so little time as I have to drive back to school for my night class - good thing it involves a tread mill.
A woman can be branded with a scarlet letter of judgment in her community for an indiscretion....A bad mother, a slut, but.... a man is just a dog.
Hugh Heffner marries women fifty years his junior and he is freaking icon along with his mansion of smut...
Oh puhlease if a woman his age did that she would be a crazy old desperate hag of a cougar!!!!
Shit drives me nutsssss.
Okay I really do have to go - I feel like I have not done this justice as there are so many societal examples I want to discuss.
This has always been an issue and continues to be one - men still make more money than women even with statistics showing female college graduates perform better and grade higher.
A woman climbing the ladder is a bitch, a guy doing the same, ambitious....
So much to say, so little time.
And no time to re-read, spell check and proof.
I will say as I go, that I won the fight last night, hands down.
And if that makes me a raging feminist to his male chauvinist, well then, that label I take willingly, slap it right on my boobs where everyone can see it....