Part 1

Good Morning,
Well sort of - I mean yes a great morning - I woke up didn't I? Makes it great right out the gate, so ..... Yay for that. I did however, just dump my ENTIRE large coffee all over the hallway floor as I ran between classes, trying to cram in breakfast and a quick blog.
It was actually pretty funny so, all in all - yes all, remains great.
ALLI PERSPECTIVE - thanks for that honey...
I wanted to discuss DOUBLE STANDARDS today - I have issues with this - major like make my head wanna explode issues.
GRRRRRRR they are applied to women FAR TOO OFTEN and with FAR TOO MUCH EASE which suggests an mindset of 'normalcy' and man does this piss me off.
My next class begins in 20 minutes - how far into this topic can I reach with so little time for clarity, clarification and justification?
Not too far but, whatever - it is where I am going.
If you leave me offended, welllllll - I don't know what to tell you.

These blogs are about my life, yes?
YES.
They are for all intents and purposes WIDE OPEN.
HOWEVER, I rarely if ever, speak about my husband or my marriage - my reasons for this vary.
The main one being - that relationship in my mind has very LITTLE to do with who I am on a daily basis.
YIKES you say? Yeah tell me about.....
The long and the short of it is this - It has been a seventeen year relationship plagued with the worst issues that you can imagine. I have been (in my opinion) on the receiving end of the shit MOST of the time.
Not ALL the time as I am a pain in the ass and have made my fair share of mistakes mind you - BUT....as I said IN MY OPINION - I have done the majority of the suffering/coping.
Three years ago, I left my husband and struck out on my own with absolutely nothing.
I had to give up everything to try to find a life for me with SOME real meaning - it happens a lot to women in this country, don't be fooled.
I fought my way through poverty and loneliness, I went to counseling and re-evaluated ME and my issues, began to do the required hard work from my childhood that would end result me as a healthy human being.
I gathered up my gumption and went to college - I kicked ass and took names across the board.
The entire time - I remained single on PURPOSE - I had to not fall into the easy answer of a sugar Daddy or the wrong kind of comfort.
I did it all alone.
I like being alone.
Because after two years of hard work - I really like me. My company is pretty damn entertaining if I do say so myself.
At any rate - long to short - after two years of watching my kids suffer horribly and really only getting them for like 10 waking hours a week - I decided to let my husband have chance #5 gazillion, and for the sake of the family try again - I thought maybe, with the new me intact and super healthy/happy, maybe just maybe I would tolerate our issues better and therefore fix them with less emotional struggle.
Welllllll.... takes two to go to marriage counseling and a year into the "reconciliation" there is still only one person willing to do the work.
Wanna guess who?
Yeah you guessed it, me.
Thing is - we have been living for a year as room mates not husband and wife - our "marriage" is LEGAL, but only binding (in my mind) on paper.
There were two conditions I required to move forward, as it stands there is a deficit of two met conditions - GO FIGURE.
I am OKAY.
I am HAPPY.
I am not DYING or rolling around on my kitchen floor writing in emotional pain (anymore - been there done it)
It sucks for me yeah, sucks for my kids to see their parents pass like two ships fighting for the territory of choppy waters.
My husbands favorite phrase "It is what it is"...
YUP.
There is the minimal background I need to share to get you to speed....
Now on to the double standard portion of the blog - but shit, noooooo, it's class time.
Twenty minutes you go too fast....
Consider this Part 1 - the cliff hanger....
Hahahaha how many of you will be on the edge of your seat now?
I will be back - promise :)