And so I sneak away from my wife on the porch with my laptop plugged in outside and I type too furiously to even process what I am leaving here for you.
This isn't really for you today though, if I am quite honest. This blog today is for her, my wife, my very best friend in the world, my savior, my angel, my devil - the birthday girl Mary Dyer.
Today I count my blessings that she was born.
I think a lot about what would have happened to me had I not found her, or she me?
What would have happened had she not saved me?
She is like that for a lot of people, central and core. She has that way about her and I say that all who her count her as those things, should most of all count themselves lucky.
Friendship is a perfect state of being.
Real friendship - the hard working kind. It takes commitment and follow through and the ability to say the hard things when they need to be said - soft arms of encouragement to encircle you once the tough stuff has been spilled.
She has done that for me, more times than I can tell you and it has with time, made facing the hard a much easier endeavor.
The last few days that I have spent here with Mary and her Mother are some of the most perfect days of my life.
It is hard to explain what it all looks like, feels like, what about it is so perfect - it just is though, trust me, perfection.
We have moved we three, like a small grazing herd. We go from room to room, apple tree to apple tree, deck to deck, creating work stations that have it all. Foot rests, beds in the garden, end trays with coffee cups, mikes hard lemonades, lipgloss, glasses of red wine - we have worked with the sounds of the ocean, the chirp of the baby chicks, the sea gulls squawks as they dive for fish and good music as a backdrop. We work for hours, then we talk, then we sit in silence then we laugh, then we up and graze again - all day every day.
Perfection.
I have read my manuscript to them as it has tumbled out of me - we have sat under the trees next to the shade garden and let the words of my first novel tumble out into the PH air, take flight on an ocean breeze. It has been perfect, every damn second.
I am the luckiest girl in the world to have a best friend that not only provides everything to my emotional side but also comes with this place, this perfect slice of heaven by the ocean where anyone coming empty is sure to depart completely full.
I am so so so lucky.
And today is my girls birthday, she is thirty eight today.
we joke a lot about what we will look like, how we will dress when we retire to the part time condo in Florida, how age will wear on us and what we will become.
I can only pray that we get to see.
I worry sometimes about loss - we all know that is a prevalent fear in my world - I worry about what would become of us, if one of us was lost?
I can't bear it, the thought of a life that doesn't include her and her family...
I used to think of birthdays as a pain in the ass - really another year older? grrrrr - but lately I see them as a beautiful thing, bring on 38, bring on 41, keep em comin' means we are still alive and kickin, means we have had lots of time and Happy Birthday, you get some more.
I'll take it, thank you very much.
When I look at Mary now, I see the younger her in her face sometimes, an expression, the lighting, a certain laugh. But I will be honest when I say I prefer the thirty eight year old version to the one I met almost eighteen years ago. I see OUR history in her face now too, see all the smiles we have shared, all the dirty jokes, all the tough conversations, all the great moments wear on her face in the smile lines around her eyes.
I think she is more beautiful today than ever before and I would say the same about myself even,
time has been good to us both.
I have no idea what I said here, it probably makes no sense at all.
Good thing, I know it will to her.
I love you Mary Dyer, love you with all that I am.
Happy Birthday my Love and many many many more.....
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