Wow it certainly has been a while, hasn't it? My weeks in Maine have come to a close and I am back in Virginia trying to adjust to normal life again - I will be honest, it isn't going so well. I feel like I need a vacation to decompress from the trip - maybe a secluded hotel room alone by myself - some sleep and room service would do the trick?
It's hard to switch gears so quickly. I have been living out of my suitcase for two weeks and now I have to deal with unpacking, laundry and all the BS that comes with regular life - dishes, the vacuum, swim meets etc. etc.
The tasks I have before me as I re-enter the "normal" state of being are daunting at best.
But back to the grind because there is no alternative....
I have come home with a new sense of purpose however and for that I am grateful.
I have a lot of time to think and to write and that has prompted me to seriously consider major changes in my world. I feel as though a radical shift is called for.
I need to devote more of my life to my craft and my true love, writing.
I am debating whether or not it is time to give up my job at the boutique and take a position here at the lake that would free up a ton of hours and provide me with more time to sit in quiet mode with myself and my computer.
I have decided that my passion is my writing and that this is the "purpose" of my being and therefore where I need to devote my drive and ambition.
For most of my life I have felt as though there is a very definite purpose to my existence, one beyond my family, MY destiny - in my delusions of grandeur I have felt that it is something "important", always leaned towards it being psychology or social work or teaching even. Something inspiring and meant to help people. I have always felt that God or Allah or Buddha (or whoever) made me this way for a much higher purpose - I was just never quite sure what that was - I could never hone in on what made me feel as though my "purpose" was in execution mode.
I have discovered that it is my writing and so now I have to commit to it with all that I am, make the "purpose" - PURPOSEFUL.
A lot of you that read this blog, those of you who have told me that you do, have also shared with me how much you have laughed or cried after reading particular entries - sometimes having both reactions simultaneously (welcome to my world)...
Many of you have told me that you look forward to my posts, that they have pierced your hearts and made a difference in your days. That means the world to me, really it does.
I have said before that I wish I had a column, a legit one, one where I could do this for a living and speak about the issues of life that plague and enrapture us all....
I really wish that would happen for me.
I guess I have to make it happen, nothing just appears out of thin air right?
I realized while I was away that my "story tellers" voice is something that I must settle into, something that requires more time and more quiet than I have had in my daily life up until now....
I wrote really well (I think) and need to get into that space more often here in my home and real life. This is gonna take some adjusting and some real work.
I have informed my family that I may just have to abandon ship once a month and check into a hotel for a few days at a time and do the work I cannot do when I am here getting captain crunch down from the cabinet and pouring milk, switching over the laundry and yelling at kids to turn the TV down...please turn it the hell off...
I feel it something I MUST do, not something I like to do or even want to do.
I feel like writing is my thing, my bag, my gift and to really be self possessed, it is an essential piece, like breathing, eating or sleeping.
So now I must figure out where my life must change and all the ways to adjust and tweak it to make this happen for real.
I want to be able to say "I am a writer" and mean it, have a book bound and published to prove it.
Hell not one, a ton.
when I was in the airport, I stopped in 'Hudson News' gift shop and watched as people picked paperbacks for their plane rides.
More than anything I want someone to read my words while they fly about the country or the world, I want my words to accompany people as they move through their lives. I want someone to hug my book like I have hugged Toni Morrison's....
It is what I want for myself more than anything - I want to write.
And so.....I sit here on my back deck sweating my ass off and wishing for a Maine breeze that I cannot have, while contemplating how to get what I want - how to make it happen.
I know the answer is not in the laundry pile of clothes waiting to be washed, ugh.
I am glad to be home, sort of. Glad to be on the deck blogging, sort of. Glad to go to the swim meet tonight, sort of.
I would be much happier with all these things if I had an upcoming book signing on the mall at Old Dominion bookstore....
So - gotta make it happen, gotta get my ass in gear and make some adjustments and soon.
I have missed these blogs and watching the numbers in the corner rise with each hit form all of you. I will always blog, even when I am a published writer, this I can assure you.
Thanks for reading and feel free to encourage me whenever you run into me, give me a swift kick in the ass if you want and tell me you cannot wait to have a signed copy of my first novel already...
I am counting on all of you to stay on me and keep me writing diligently.
Okay? Deal?
Off to the air conditioned house and the laundry...
Don't forget, keep on me....
Peace out and love.... Always love...
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