Please don't disappear....

I came home tonight on an end of semester high - it's finally over, I am all done. For a split second immediately following the elated sigh of relief, I panicked and felt lost - like what do I do now? Good thing I am enrolled in summer classes....I'll admit it, I am an education junkie...Until summer classes begin, I plan to rest and attempt to put away the piles of laundry that have been accumulating for weeks.
Maybe I will sit in the sun and read a novel for pure pleasure purposes, maybe go to the gym and try to lose this extra weight I have gained so that I can fit in my summer clothes -
This brings me to the topic that has me blogging at 12:30 am - weight loss and body image.
I was on my phone earlier looking at a youtube video that someone posted on facebook - a simulation of what the voices associated with schizophrenia may sound like.
Interesting stuff to say the least. I scrolled down to other associated videos and saw a young girl in her underwear (teenager) the video title was "watch me shrink"
I had to see what this was and so I clicked on it and sat with my hand to my heart as I watched this beautiful girl pull and tug at her body, imagining that the skin she pulled away from her bones was excess fat rolls. She turned around and around for the camera pulling at her flesh, the flesh on her stomach, on her underarms, on her thighs...She pulled and pulled with fierce self hatred and such a distortion of reality.
I was really bothered by this, like really bothered.
When I scrolled down from there I found endless videos of the same nature - girls in their underwear before the camera hating themselves into oblivion and invisibility.
The title to one girls video - "watch me disappear"
I cannot express how much this upsets me.
I hate that this is an epidemic in this country - I hate that this is a trend, I hate that young girls and grown women do this to themselves to attain some desperate sense of control -
It is awful, just awful and I wish that it would stop.
But how will it? How can it when youtube posts thousands of videos of this nature and they appear to be some sick initiation rite or entry requirement to the skinny girl club?
Oh my God what is happening to body image?
The skinny obsession in the media has got to stop - we as a society have to say NO to this beauty ideal before it kills off the healthy self loving female spirit.
Sure I want to lose the weight I have gained since I started school, since I stopped running and going to pump - sure I don't want to have to buy a whole new summer wardrobe because my clothes don't fit - but not bad enough, never bad enough to starve myself.
We are meant to have curves girls, we are women, not twelve year old boys...
I have no energy left to write - I am too upset by the images that burn behind my lids when I blink.
There are endless videos like that, that means endless girls starving themselves right now....
Please ladies - love yourselves and rage against the idea that skinny = beautiful.