Maybe if I act like that?

Well another school morning, another hot cup of coffee and quiet.
I wish that my mind was as quiet as the house, and with that I apologize in advance for the contents of this blog for I fear it may be as scrambled as my breakfast eggs. Which btw, I have not made yet...
I went to sleep last night with my TV on, never a good thing for me, I loathe TV and most programs that are available on the 9,000 cable channels, that when I choose to flip through, disgust me so that I want to hurl the complicated and enormous remote at the too big friggen set. I remember when a 'bedroom' TV set would have been like 17 inches big and not the as big as a king head board - I digress.
I watched the news to orient myself to time and place around the world, it was depressing to say the least. Hundreds of thousands of starving people in the horn of Africa, dead Navy Seals and controversy over whether or not this is retaliation for Osama Bin Laden's death, a brief check in on Casey Anthony's secret whereabouts and a follow up on the polygamist convicted of raping a twelve year old devotee.
Why do I feel the need to do this to myself???
A few semesters back I took an Ethics class taught by a professor I wanted to either marry or have adopt me....She was an amazing woman and I respected her from the very first instant we spoke to one another, everything about her amazed me. She said that we have a responsibility to KNOW what is going on in the world around us and that one of the most accessible means to do so, is the news. I listen to NPR when the kids are not around and haven't taken over my car stereo, I listen when I can, which truthfully, is not as often as I should - so I watch the damn TV from time to time and try to filter the propaganda and political bullshit from the facts, and come away with some sense of what is really going on around the world.
Sigh.... The issue in Africa really bothers me, a lot.
I am torn about our aid to them too and before you lamb baste me for that comment - this subject was one that we covered in Ethics too - world hunger and what our 'aid' for these countries really succeeds in doing. Really it amounts to nothing more than a larger deficit in our country and a revolving cycle of hunger and poverty in the country we are dropping food on. Really the money would be better spent on education, vaccines, birth control, irrigation and agricultural technology, than food.
I realize people are starving and it breaks my heart more than I can express - I hate that children are born into suffering and never even know what hope feels like for a second of their short lived existences. If only the population was under control and the political landscape wasn't so unstable, if only AIDS and rape and drought weren't so prevalent, if only the problems were able to be appropriately addressed at their roots.
We cannot feed all those people and sustain them. That is fact. They must sustain themselves and don't have the means to do so and won't anytime soon, even with the rainy season.
It is bad news and it weighs heavy. We cannot sustain the horn of Africa, America can barely sustain itself right now....
And then I switched channels to my television savior, PBS. There was Suze Orme. She was talking about her 'new' financial plans that have adjusted because of the recession and this was taped mind you before the stock market went whacky again and our National credit rating was dropped....I wonder if she will tape another program in light of the latest American Dream alteration?
I listened to her intently as every single thing she said made perfect sense and pertained so profoundly to my own life and financial worries. I don't know about all of you, but I have four kids and the grocery bill is killing me, depressing me, making me dread feeding my family. It is time to make some changes in my world and I am all about getting on board a new train of thought that encourages 'less is more'
She kept saying, live BELOW your means. Not within your means, BELOW your means. Hmmmmm below is an interesting concept for we Americans who super size at the drive thru for an extra .40 cents, driving up our blood pressure, the scale, and our cholesterol, plunging the health care costs straight up through the debt ceiling....As kids in Africa starve because of drought.....And our country pledges aid....
Hmmmmm, my Ethics professor would ask me "So what are YOU going to do about it?"
Well, I looked in my closet again this morning with my head hung low and guilty. I looked at all my pretty shoes and then took a tour of the bathroom and eyeballed all the nail polish, make up and beauty products that litter my bathroom counters. Looked at my kids toys e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e, the video games (which I hate) and the TV sets which swallow up every room. I looked at my life and considered, what is taking me beyond my means? There is a lot taking me beyond my means - some of it is most certainly hiding in my walk in closet with tags still hanging, unworn, purchased on a whim.....
Hmmmmmm Deb, hmmmmmm, what are you going to do about this?
Suze also lectured the adults in her studio audience about the Nations children, their pathetic lack of work ethic, sense of entitlement and the mess that we are handing to them that they are completely ill equipped to handle. Kids these days live in excess that I would have never imagined possible when I was their age, and we, the parents, act as though it is 'normal' and what is expected.
I am just as guilty as the next parent to some degree, my closet alone sets an example to my daughter that is WRONG.
Kids have no concept of money value, credit debt, living within 'means' or what the hell 'means' even really means.
"You have a credit card right Ma?"
Hmmmmm Deb, what are you going to do about it?
Wellllll I think I am going to overhaul my life - I don't know if you know this about me, BUT, I LOVE a good challenge.
If I set my mind to something, it gets done and it gets done well. I think my scrambled brain is working out the scramble, and coming up with a plan to teach my children by EXAMPLE that less is more. The desperate parents and kids starving in Africa would be happy with prospering crops, the new crackle nail polish in every color would seem wasteful and ridiculous to them, because IT IS.
Sigh.
So this is big stuff here. This is big. This is shutting off my cable big. This is shutting off the home phone big. This is "No we do not NEED that" big. This is "No I DO NOT NEED THOSE HOT SHOES EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE ON SALE" big.
I especially get off on challenges that show immediate results and I want to see some in my bank accounts and in my character and parenting.
I cannot save the kids in Africa from starving but I sure CAN teach my kids survival skills that will ensure they never meet that same fate or know what bankruptcy or homelessness feels like.
And then I stopped on 'Keeping up with the Kardashians" and I wanted to vomit all over myself as Kim pouted and cried that her skin condition would ruin her million dollar photo shoot or some ridiculous, meaningless shit...
What was it that PINK sang - "I don't want to be a stupid girl" - Um Yeah me either, and most especially NO for my precious Emma Claire.
Humph I got work to do.
And when all is said and done, that wasn't too half assed a blog, now was it???