I am going to make my typical disclaimer - I love my kids, of course I love my kids...Right now however I could go to the moon and still not be far away enough from them. HOLY COW what a day I have had.
Nothing major happened really - it has all been business as usual.
I think parenthood is a lot like a menstrual cycle...How so you may be thinking, scratching your chin, going huh, like a period? Um yeah, you read me right and here is how I mean. For women our menses cycle is a process that begins each month with the relief of the misery of a period - the relief is that the pre-menstrual bloating and mood swings - the built up tension both physically and emotionally, finally washes away. Days before your period you may feel like killing someone for no apparent reason, have horrible homicidal thoughts, cry at the drop of a hat or at the stupidest sappiest McDonald's commercial ever made. It blows hard core when normal every day shit that is no more extreme or tedious than any other day, eats at you like a festering infection.
That is where I make the Motherhood correlation - Motherhood is on a cycle too. I have reached my Pre-breaking point with my kids this month and I am praying for a reprieve from the madness before I lock myself in my closet and start talking to my shoes.
They are driving me nuts - and like I said - nothing major today, nothing out of the usual, nothing extraordinary - I have just had it, plain and simple.
It is the constant bickering, the constant antagonizing, the constant "MUM MATTHEW SAID I'M A BUTT HEAD" (insert major girl whine) - and then the retort "NO SHE CALLED ME A BUTT FIRST" (insert total boy denial and aloofness tone)- grrrr
It is the incessant food consumption and constant food waste that makes me really want to starve my kids just for a day so they know how the kids in Africa feel, no you are NOT STARVING and what do you mean you're not eating that perfectly good sandwich I made because the cheese is white and not yellow? OMG shoot me now, pleaseeee.
Whose socks are these and wait there's a tech dech underfoot, can't wait to break my back when I slip on it and fall, and this is not my wet towel, and your books do not belong scattered across my bathroom floor directly in front of the toilet and no your bed is not made so go do it.....NOW.
I am so sick and tired of hearing my own damn voice repeat the same instructions day in and day out. Like beyond sick of my own friggen voice, forget about the coinciding chores that I literally want to stop doing - just drop the laundry in the center of the living room and walk out the front door to my house without a word.
The silent brush my shoulder off...
sigh.
I have repeated the same steps at least 1000 times today - told Matt to clean his dishes off the table 12 times to be exact - I counted for a distraction from the brewing rage. Made my Mother cycle into a little game - let's see how many times he will walk by that wet bathing suit he THREW ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR!!!
I love kids, I do, but I loathe their self centeredness, detest their ability to tune out the bedroom you can't walk through, cannot stand their sibling rivalry which equals mutual emotional torture.
I am over it and unfortunately it is far from over. I have a good solid eleven years of this still ahead of me and by then I will be a Grandmother and start all over again with my grandbabies.
I imagine Grandmotherhood will amount to parental menopause - I will be vacant of any more responsibility beyond spoiling. Ha, let your parents cope with your slobby habits.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, there is future torture in store for my own offspring in the form of thiers...Insert maniacal laughter here.
I think the next time I go to the pool, I will pack my lunch and my gatorade and tell the kids, you're on your own today. Not one bit of help or guidance from me. Hmmmmm bet that'd turn out real well for the numbskulls who take every single chore involved with their survival for granted!
So if one of my kids passes out from dehdration on the pool deck,
you'll know why.....And no Matthew you cannot have a butterfinger from the snack bar, money doesn't grow on trees you know and what is wrong with the fifty dollar food lion trip I packed the cooler for the love of God?
Rant over :)
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