I'll tell you what I do need, OCD meds - Yeah I OCD blog - sure, but you wanna know what I really do, all the time - obsessively - compulsively - ridiculously????
I shred my poor little tongue all to hell on my Dracula tooth....
What the hell is that right?
It's this fine little $5,000 dollar piece of dentist wizardry that is in my pie hole.
It happened like this....
A few years back I was innocently eating a caramel/chocolate filled center NIP.
Do you know what they are? They are utter perfection in candy making, my Grampie always had a box right next to his recliner...I was raised on the NIPS.
At any rate, I was walking through CVS on my way to work and there I passed it, the little red price cut sign - NIPS 88 cents - naturally because I am a chocolate whore - I bought them and proceeded to eat them all day long at work-
Until.... I felt something hard. Hmmmmm?
Oh wait that was a filling, shit, seriously??
But you know what?
No pain!
And then I proceeded to go off sugar for the Las Vegas hottie training and of course then it began to hurt every time I ate anything sweet, sour, hot or cold.
Man...
I had not gone to the dentist in too many years to admit - severe dental anxiety - hate em, not going, fuck it, not doing it - what's a little hole in a tooth anyways?
I waited and popped lots of IBU.
Then one day in class, my buddy Tim next to me says - "Deb you okay, cause dudette I can feel the heat coming off your body and you look a little pasty?"
Yeah no, not okay.
Massive infection in the tooth/face.
Cry all the way to the dentists office, tell him I hate him and if he hurts me, he's going down -
Injection of antibiotics - script for giant pills, will fix the infection see you in two weeks and we will fill it up...
Or so my dentist thought (liar)....48 hours later I showed up in the office, crying begging for meds or a gun - no really.
Tooth extraction necessary - over to the oral surgeon. (have to call Dan for a ride insult to injury - pride and tooth both getting yanked)
And then there I was, little ole me with a gaping ass hole in my face the size of the Grand Canyon - sue me I have a big mouth and horse teeth...
I live this way for six months until I have literally doubled the hole by digging at it constantly with my little pitch fork tongue....I have tunneled through my gum line and into China (good thing I know how to say cake huh?)
And then one day, a sweet couple in my store are talking to me, he stops suddenly and says "What exactly are you doing in that mouth with that tongue of yours?"
Hand to mouth, recoil in horror - how did he know?
DENTIST.
SO - because we had made fast friends and he said I was way too cute to be digging my way to Asia by way of my face - he coaxed me out from behind the counter and examined my mouth right there in the store, Yup open wide missy.
I told him, "I like you, I hate my dentist - he's mean and maniacal"
He hears my sob story, inquires about finances - I am getting divorced - destitute - Mother to four - Catholic and a full time college student -
His wife nudges his arm, gives him the "look" and it's a done deal- he is gonna fix me up and be easy on the hole in my mouth and, (phew) the hole in my bank account.
Long story short -$5000.88 later - dental piece in my gum, it's sorta like a bridge only different - no more gaping hole, but lucky me.... A pretty little Dracula tooth.
It's not a fang by any means, it just has wings like a plastic Dracula teeth, a nice distinct ridge just perfect for self inflicted tongue shredding.
UGH.
And so, that's what I do constantly - I rub OCD style, like washing my hands repeatedly - just not that refined.
I know for sure that I have an oral fixation (easy X-raters) - confirmation by way of my psych class this semester - my Mother #1 didn't nurse me and then #2 robbed me, and I mean robbed me of my binky when I was clearly not ready to let it go. I remember the sound of my own hysterics to this day - BINKYYYYYYYYYYY
It's all my Mother's fault.
I think maybe for Mother's day I'll UPS her a few of my severed taste buds, grrrr...
So sigh - here I sit, orally fixating away instead of studying - simultaneously realizing - either way I go, I am doomed to OCD shred.
If I study, I shred. If I am guilty and procrastinating, I shred.
I cannot stop - shred with a hole, shred with a dracula tooth...
Shred shred shred.
I wonder if there is a name for this disorder - Oh wait yeah there is - it's DEB DOES LIFE!
(maybe I'll go read a little now....) but just maybe....
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