Carpe Diet

Good Morning Blog readers!
The most amazing and I mean amazing thing has happened to me - get ready to think I am really old....
The last three nights, at ten o'clock on the dot I am suddenly very tired and ready - right then and there - to go to sleep.
Last night Emma was up too late herself and reading Walter the Farting Dog to me, I literally felt I had to rush her through it for fear I could not keep my eyes open. THIS IS SO COOL. You are thinking WOW Granny, really?
I know you are, don't lie....
Here is the thing, I have been a night owl my entire life. And when I say entire, I mean entire. I love the late night peace and quiet - long after everyone of my noise makers are fast asleep in bed, my brain comes alive and creativity courses through my veins - I get super charged in the witching hour. Sucky thing about keeping Witches hours is that the spawn of Satan must rise at six AM and get their tushies on the bus for seven, oh and wait yeah, I have early morning college classes too don't I ? This annoying stuff that forces to me lead a regular life is almost impossible to get through with like four hours of sleep - and plus, my wrinkles need more rest than that - surely they do.
So, my life as a Mother for the last twenty one years has been exhasuting to say the least due to intense and constant sleep deprivation....You know what has changed???
I think it is this diet...I think it is the no gluten and dairy that has me operating as a normal functioning human being - I wake up energized, Carpe Diem, ready to delve right into life - no yawning, no aches, no grogginess - I eat small meals all day and then at ten o'clock my brain says enough is enough and sleep now.
I AM A REAL HUMAN!!! Why do I feel like Pinocchio after typing that?
For those of you who do not suffer from night owl syndrome or sleep dep will have no idea why I am so excited to have fallen asleep at ten o'clock three days in a row - for those of you who live like me....Come over from the dark side - it's pretty over here, the early morning light has so much to offer....
This is only one of the many great side effects of this diet, which by the way I am on day 13 of - I said I would try it for thirty, but I have a strong suspicion this is gonna stick - why would I ever give up feeling so good? (oh boy that is a loaded question?)
But really though, I feel that good...
I love cheese and going into Christians Pizza to constantly fill my water cup is a little painful - it smells so damn good in there - BUT - I feel so much lighter (not weight-wise) in my body, my movements, my joints - everything feels more fluid and easy and I have boundless energy that pizza be damned I don't want you. And for all my bitching about work yesterday, I had a blast and resembled the Tazmanian Devil, swirling about, dressing woman after woman making my boss some serious mula. It felt effortless - imagine what my classes will be like in the fall if I continue...oh my so much easier.
The great thing about being truly conscientious about my food choices is that water is now my constant companion - I must drink three gallons a day - my cells are super hydrated and this is so great. I haven't had anything to drink other than water and my morning coffee in thirteen days...NO DIET PEPSI and I don't even miss it :)
Last night after work I made a quick trip to Marshalls, you who are my facebook friends and read my status last night already know how that went....Oh my - I was hovering above the toilet to pee and lost my balance and fell directly on to the heinous toilet seat...I was horrified beyond words and considered straddling the sink to wash my parts until I saw that it was as questionable as the toilet - I have obsessed about the diseases I have contracted all night and fully expect a positive pregnancy test as a result of my mishap. I know you are thinking really, in the ladies room? I swear to you unspeakable sexual acts have occurred in that room I just know it - and I just puked in my mouth a little at the thought.
Okay well enough about my herpes - I went to Marshalls to get a bathing suit because really I have about 800 so why do I need one more? - well...I need an athletic suit because I have taken to doing laps with my babies. The joint pain that I am suffering and the inflammatory crap associated with my thyroid problems are so much easier to bear in water - I miss the gym, but I am afraid of the pain and so I have taken to swimming, like real swimming, not the pretty kind where you look all mermaid like and silky smooth with a golden hair trail behind you. Nope this is the swim cap type - the strapped in athletic suit, the goggles and all, and me, silly old me, trying not to look like an idiot. I am so sure that I do and laugh if you must - I would laugh at me too. I SUCK at real swimming so bad. I am stupidly afraid of the whole stroke and side breath thing - I cannot explain to you why either, I just am....But I am determined to use this boundless energy from my no gluten no dairy diet/lifestyle to do as many constructive things as I can fit in. I had a great time doing laps with my kiddos three days last week - good family time and loads of fun. By the end of the summer I fully expect to rival Michael Phelps and I am sure the Olympic scouts are going to want to recruit me - When I win the gold I will thank my boss Joan who has wanted me to do this diet/lifestyle for years. Okay... that is never going to happen, but I WILL swim on my days off and ease my joints and move this body to keep it somewhat fit.
I have accepted that I will never be thin. I don't want to be thin - I want to be me. Me is not thin - me with my 36Dcup and my 36inch hips - I am not meant to be a skinny girl - I really just want to be a healthy version of my voluptuous, curvy self - this diet and this sleep pattern are all working in my favor for my current health goals. I feel good in my own skin right now despite it's sagging, dimpling and wrinkling - I feel really, really good :)
When I finally get to my appointment for the endocrinologist at the end of this month, I may even refuse meds...The last time I took synthroid I blacked out on the floor of my bathroom while giving Brian a bath - granted that was eighteen years ago, but still - I blacked out and hit my head on the sink as I fell and my baby was in the damn bath tub - Thank God my neighbor found me.
I am all set with drugs unless they are baked into brownies :) Relax people....
Maybe all I really need is a better diet and more sleep and a lot more waking hours put to good use....I think maybe that is my ticket - What we Americans put in our mouths is toxic f'ing waste - like seriously it is. Now that I have stripped myself clean of these toxins, I am even more sure than I was before, that American food is what is causing so many American illnesses and perpetuating a super sized cycle of convenient obesity. And like I have said before, I do not judge weight if it is healthy - but I question how Americans who eat what we do, can possibly be healthy weight? We think wheat thins are healthy - they are not.
I went to whole foods last night following the immaculate toilet conception and I wandered around that new store like I was visiting the land of OZ - I was amazed at the beauty of the produce - organic is so pretty....And now I will have a really hard time buying my produce at FOOD LION. Whole Foods also has these amazing little signs marking every item that is gluten free - made my life so easy..... I wish we had one out here at the lake :(
Ugh but we don't - just overpriced FOOD LION and breaking the back of American Made, WALLY WORLD.
ugh sighhhhh.
Well peeps my tummy is growling signifying my switch to water and breakfast - what shall I have this AM? Chex and Almond milk or a hard boiled egg and chicken apple breakfast sausage - mmmmmmm so good either way I go. Today is homework poolside for me and naturally some laps :)
I hope you all have a blessed Sunday - much love xo