we all do it the same way...

Hey hey hey,
For those of you who are not in Virginia, I feel it is my duty to inform you that the State, or at the very least my little portion of it, is completely NEON GREEN. Last week we had some intense rain and then, like it always does eventually, the sun returned and BAM, we are knee deep in pollen. My eyes have itched all day and I had to de-pollen even the inside of my house (open windows) I am not complaining - I am in itchy eyed, raspy throated heaven. Allergies have your way, you can't hold me down.
I love Spring days like the one I had today. I sat outside on the wall beyond the door at school and lifted my head high, extending and stretching my neck as far back as it would go before snapping, closed my eyes to the bright warm sun and took a deep breath as the breeze worked in time to not only blow through my hair but to also tickle my nose as it pushed my inhale along, a little assistance from the perfect moment to make it even more so. Ahhhh, Spring how I love thee.
Not only did I revel in the sunshiney breezes and absorb the very neon green into my soul, I excitedly popped in an old cd from the visor of forgotten music. I pried it free from it's dark sleeve as I left the parking lot at school, thought maybe it was high time it be heard and I smiled as I saw Mary's handwriting, DMB Virginia show disc 2....
The player was on random and so I had no idea what heavenly sound would flood my ears first..
It went kinda like this. bam bam bam bam bam bam bam ...Carter Beuford on the drums yeeahhh. Then this ripping base bow bow bow bow bow....Stefan you sex pistol you.
Then Boyd Tinsley you crazy Motherfucker, hurting those strings with that magic wand you call a bow....And then my man and his rhythm guitar dadadaddadadda, like foreplay, just like foreplay. sigh.
And then the archangel himself, Leroi, blowing his light through the brass tube, a bong if ever there were one and I am HIGHHHHHHH.
The very first song I fell in love with, Ants Marching.
I remember just the moment it happened for me, the moment that this song was etched on my heart and I felt not so alone in the world for having seen myself an ant...
My very first DMB show, THE SHOW that changed the direction of my life, but that is a story for another blog.
Focus, DEB FOCUS.
I think I was 24, I think is was July. I know that I traveled my ass off to get to where I was going that night. Flew in from Texas, landed in Boston tan and refreshed, drove home to Maine, grabbed my other clothes, my bag of pot and the one sweet world picture in a bread tie and hit the road to Connecticut. Yeah, girl will travel....
This was my first DMB show and the night I would party with Dave to the wee hours of the AM, but again, sheesh FOCUS DEB.
Ants Marching - shit, it was crazy, and as usual in all crazy beautiful moments I did the Deb weep/laugh - it is the most amazing feeling the two emotions merging and forging through my chest together up and out, a sound like no other when it exits my mouth. If you are ever nearby when this happens I will clutch you, and pull at you while I furiously jump up and down, a lot.
The show was AMAZING and I was in awe, like real awe. Boyd Tinsley's hair alone, spreading up and cutting through the neon lights, like a swimming jelly fish in reverse as his big white teeth grinned so wide that the chocolate skin seemed cut clear in two for the joy of that smile - that sight alone - awe inspiring. I can remember my own joy gathering, building steam from some pressure cooker deep in my guarded soul - guess what baby you're about to break free...
The whole night, wow.
But the moment I am getting to, the one I remembered today in the car, careening dangerously through the green, swerving to and fro about the yellow lines, was the encore - the traditional ANTS MARCHING - holy o'hell.
If you know a live DMB show, you know how it goes. But back in the day it was all new and fresh and unexpected, no one knew back then...
I will never forget how the girls next to me lit a joint just as the drum beats started and we all raised our hands to the air, joints ends waving like lighters and we cheered for the DMB National Anthem.
For most of my life, up until that very moment, I felt like a foreigner in a strange land, misunderstood, quirky, a bit beyond the norm - And then as Leroi unleashed his sax on the crowd and Boyd matched him wail for wail, Dave yelled "yeaaaaah Lawwwd" and the lights of the entire stadium came on, a static, penetrating electric white light.
My mouth fell open, I covered it with a protective hand and laugh/cried aloud for the sight of it...
Everywhere I looked, everywhere around me, people sang the words at the top of their lungs, heads thrown back in fierce commitment, sweat flinging from her to him, to me, to her, and back again, and everyone - I mean everyone was dancing the most ecstatic dance I had ever seen. Thousands and thousands and thousands of people in the throws of musical love. Then it peaked, the sounds frenzied from the energy and culminated in that climactic Ants Marching ending, and for the first time in my life I knew I was not alone.
I am tearing up just for remembering...
And so, today in the spring of my fortieth year, I listened to Ants Marching in the neon of a new green and felt grateful that I have taken these chances rather than placing them in a box until a quieter time....

(Once in a lifetime Mary, no boxes...)