I just woke up from the strangest dream and although I have no doubt that none of you will have any interest in what goes on during my REM phase, I just have to get it out of my head before it fades in detail anymore.
So it went like this...
I was in a house, not my own, in the dense woods somewhere?
And it was jam packed with people, Mary, Shawn the kids, my kids yada yada and yet,
in a remote little corner of the house, a living room nook or cranny I think, there was Dave Matthews.
YESSSSSSS. But no wait. He wasn't married to his wife Ashley (also a yessssss) But no wait... He had this bimbo of a girlfriend, you know the type "Heeheeheee" - when nothing is funny, got it?
And she was like straight out of 1985, tight permed curly hair, too much blue frosty eye shadow, too tight jeans - a mess to behold.
At any bizarre rate, Dave thought she was the shiznit - this girl was the apple of his eye - which was weird to me and yet made perfect sense because it was if Dave had taken a bite out of the apple picked right from the garden of moron.
He seemed void of all the insight and depth, completely different from the man that opens his mouth in a scream and all the pain of the world escapes and takes flight in chariot led by golden horses towards a higher existence somewhere where pain just doesn't hurt anymore....
Suddenly Dave was just plain idiotic. He was all about this trophy girlfriend who was for all intents and purposes nothing more than a glad trash bag.
I dreamed it, don't judge me - this is straight up dream time regurgitation.
And sooooo, it went like this.
"yeah Dave so I am thinking of going home up North" (me)
and he was like, "yeah but you hate the cold" (girlfriend "heehehheehhee" for no apparent reason?)
And it went on like this for a bit as we discussed the merits of Virginia vs. the Northern frozen tundra and his girlfriend just incessantly giggled while he salivated at the mouth as if every utterance from her lips was like honey straight from the bee.
Then, he said "so you wanna write a book ha?"
And then he asked if I would write his story and I said, "Sure Dave" but, in order to do that I really would have to go on tour with him and I became acutely aware that if Bimbette was his new 24/7 sidekick, that would not fair well for my mental stability or better yet, my slacking admiration for my hero.
I said "Really Dave?" bewildered beyond any sense of misunderstanding I had ever experienced, face twisted up in a furrowed brow so deeply lined it actually hurt to have this expression on my face. "Really?"
And then I said this, "Cause if this is it, if this is all you got, every song you have ever written is about to change for me in a way that may leave unable to take my next breath?"
And she giggled and I felt homicidal and remembered back in the early 90's where he came tome across the crowd of VIP's, when I first saw him in real time, curls newly buzzed, in orange plaid pants, so tall and so lanky and I thought man you are an orange and I want to peel you clean, and he held up that finger he used to pick his guitar and he mouthed "wait" to me and I looked behind me like an always ready comedian to see if it was the pretty girl behind me he was signaling to - but there wasn't one....And I remembered how later that night as he signed my Cd's and T'shirts, I asked him coyly, a good buzz gone round twice or thrice, I asked him with his spine exposed like keys to a piano, "Um do you mind if I just touch you, may I um just (exhale shaky breath - inhale deeply all the way up from my toes)run my fingers right along here (touching him gently) because there is an invitation and my answer is yess yess yessss."
And how he paused and turned his head in a lazy sexy smile and said, "I take it you'll be attending then?"
And how I LAUGHED because it was funny as shit and we WERE the same flavor of crazy and OMG who is this idiot he has dangling off his beautiful arm and where is my knight in shining wit????
Because #41 and Say Goodbye and every other angst ridden anthem of my life is about to become nothing more than a distant memory and I am going to freak out.
Change scenery -
then I stripped down to my bra and panties and went out in the pouring rain and thought, I have to know if I can brave the elements stripped down bare and I began to walk through the woods in my undergarments and I think a pair of pumps (?)
I walked and and the water rushed down my face continuously enough that I had to keep my lips defensively pursed to keep from drowning. My bra and panties clung to me like another layer of my own wet dermis and I forged on deeper and deeper into the density of the trees and the rain.
The sounds were like the loudest symphony like Beethoven's 5th, DA DA DA DA - the rain beating the leaves and the percussion sound of the drops as they slammed off my body.
I thought I can do this, I can round the bend by the river and walk on, I can keep going with nothing here to shield me, I don't need the sun, I can skate at the Dyer Arena on the snowy days and the love will be enough to keep me warm and the kids, the kids they love the snow, they love the love...mud slides rising up around me.
change-
Soupy sales (OMG WHAT?)
was on a skate board with a bunch of young skate punks and they were racing and I was watching a spectator like at the INDY 500 (is that a race name?)
and all these people were screaming and cheering and I was so confused and then the track was littered with fallen teenagers and there was Soupy, boarding on to the finish line neck and neck with this young punk and he moves just a wheel ahead for the win and the crowd goes crazy like crazy crazy and he skates by me and says
"I'm so much more than a caricature"
Bam AWAKE.
Thoughts OMG????
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