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Thursday, April 28, 2011

shhhhhh

We meet again, me and my purple lap top...
I am sitting on my front porch, DESPERATELY trying to escape Motherhood. Call me wicked, awful, a terrible person if you will, but honestly, sometimes a Mom just needs to NOT feel like one.
Right now, this very moment in time is one of them.
Thing is, sometimes I miss quiet so much that I hurt inside.
I get really, really tired of hearing my own voice micro manage every little detail of life x 4.
Oh wait, 5 if you count mine...
That sentence right there cuts to the very heart of what I am feeling -
I - get lost - in them, and then I can't find myself even when standing in front of a mirror.
I wouldn't trade my babies for anything in the world.
I just sometimes wish that the other life I could have had existed simultaneously with the one I do have.
Imagine if there were a portal I could step through that would lead me to that place every once in a great while - how cool it would be to know the other me.
I bet she is a writer who lives in a small contemporary loft in NYC and that her bathroom sink is clean of toothpaste remnants.
I don't want to be her, I just wish I knew her.
I am not by any means settling by being the frazzled basket case who is hiding on her porch, typing on the box by the Robin's nest with two brilliantly blue eggs.
This life is grand - I just miss the quiet is all, and miss myself in the midst of the chaos and noise.
Motherhood is a full time job and I have been at it for twenty one years....
Twenty one long years - crazy to see those words before me...
Well... the kids have found me and are now DESPERATELY trying to convince me that ice cream is the answer to their contentment.
I guess the jig is up - back to the grind.
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1 comment:

  1. jennyApril 28, 2011 at 11:21 PM

    i hear ya 100%. love these kids but quiet is golden.

    ReplyDelete

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