snake in the woodpile my darling.

Good Morning blog readers, I hope this beautiful first day of October finds you all feeling fine. I am feeling accomplished this morning to have gotten the kids on the school bus and already have two bathrooms cleaned, laundry folded and beds made. The vacuum is summoning me, but I have the nagging need to write about an article that I just read in Rolling Stone which has left me thinking about my own daughter and the myriad of issues that we will face in the upcoming years. I am freaking out internally and trying to break the freak out down into manageable plans I can implement starting like yesterday. The article was about a young high school girl who like all high school age girls, suffered from some self esteem issues - Hard not to, and WOW with society being what it is today, I am going to wager a guess that any young girl coming of age wouldn't feel an immense amount of pressure to live up to some standard that is airbrushed, plain unattainable and completely and utterly inappropriate. But I digress - she apparently went to a party and got really drunk and then was sexually assaulted by three classmates/friends (????) who then proceeded to write all over her body with sharpies and then take disgusting and graphic photographs of their handy sexual work. The girl waking up the next day, found her body graffiti ravaged and violated and assumed because this is the age we live in, that a cell phone somewhere contained images which would go viral if not on facebook at least in the halls of her high school. Her black out from alcohol left her with no memories of what had occurred to her. Naturally because we are raising our boys to be predators and animals, the boys DID show everyone and the young girls reputation hence, ruined. Nice that young high school boys can show this kind of footage off and elevate themselves to rockstar status for raping and ravaging a passed out innocent BUT the girl becomes the whore.....God damn this society pisses me off - but again I digress.....And growl.....This most unfortunate circumstances led to this beautiful sixteen year old girl with her WHOLE life ahead of her, hanging herself from a belt in her bathroom - DEAD. RAPED = DEAD. Her Mother described the mascara trails dried on her hanging young daughters face - this made my stomach turn. I guess it got to me because if I were that Mother, the mascara trails of pain would be forever ingrained into my psyche as well and be note worthy for recollection every time I described the scene to hit home the SADNESS and DESPERATION that my daughter left her life with. I sat for several minutes frozen, magazine leaning on shaky knees and the coffee cup I cradled providing my only sense of warmth as images of Emma flooded my mind. I pictured her at sixteen (I do this a lot) and I imagined her face blackened in mascara and limp, the beautiful light within her extinguished and dark, her blue smiling eyes forever closed. I wanted to scream. I think I did scream inside my head, my skull certainly was vibrating for some reason....I got so angry and so scared. Then I began to figure out how I can keep this from happening to my only daughter - how I can keep her safe from societies ugliness, her peers, herself and the beast demon of self doubt. Somewhere in the article, it was noted that she was not a "drinker" but that she felt less self conscious when drinking alcohol. Step one for Emma - Instill the value of self confidence. This is a tough one although thus far I feel like I do everything I can to inspire her to believe in herself and to keep her eyes on the prize of what is truly important which is her moral compass and taking care of her beautiful life and potential filled future. I tell her every chance I get, that she is the light of my life and her kindness, her generosity, her good heart make me more proud than I ever dreamed I could be. If a chance doesn't arise for such dialogue naturally, I create one - like every five minutes - I am constantly lifting my daughter up by shining a spotlight on the character traits she possesses which are foundation building blocks for a happy and productive life. Emma is a beautiful child and I know all Mothers feel this way and as they should - but my daughter is beautiful physically in a way that makes me nervous. And I wont get into that much because I just cannot without the fear taking over and me stroking out on my keyboard - I will just say that I believe based on what I see now, she will get a lot of attention as she matures for her physical presence alone. This is why I MUST make sure she knows and values what is truly important about who she is so that she doesn't fall victim to the pretty trap which can mean horrible horrible struggles. Didn't Alanis Morrisette (sp?) write a lyric about people hating the prettiest girl in the room? I think she did and it's important to recognize that pretty girls however "lucky" they may seem to the not so pretty girls, have a host of negative issues too - because plainly said WE ALL HAVE SHIT TO DEAL WITH. Sigh.....I wish so much I could keep Emma from having shit to deal with, but alas it is the shit we deal with that challenges us to rise and adapt and change and rise some more and so I know my girl WILL struggle just like everyone else....I just have to keep her from the unnecessary struggle which is something she and I spend a great deal of time discussing and truthfully, always have. My dialogue with my kids is OPEN. There is nothing we cannot discuss, no question I won't answer - I would rather the answers come from me than their peers - that is info like wikipedia and mostly false. Come to me with the question and you will get the honest answer. Period. In the last two years Emma and I have been on the subject of unnecessary risk more than not. It's comical how I have driven little sayings into her head so that when I am not around to say them to her, they are there swirling about in her Mommy present mind. I use lyrics a lot because we are such music freaks and she hears them constantly - my favorite, that she will instantly whip up if I say to her randomly "Emma, what is there?" Her response, "always a snake in the woodpile" - A Dave lyric. I started hammering into her head right after the album came out - to me it says so much with so few words. There is always danger lurking my dear - there is always something there that you do not readily see. It makes her pause - I know it does. I have told her to approach every situation knowing that the snake is present - and so.....go in cautiously. With your relationships, with crossing the road, with trust, with words, with life - go in knowing that a simple stacked wood pile is never just that. Life is never just that. That simple lyric has taught my daughter caution and duality. I hope she never sees me as being some uncool dork of a Mom who says random stupid shit that doesn't matter and therefore brushes my lyric wisdom aside or under rugs. I hope she thinks, Mom is a badass and has repeated these momisms four million times over the span of my life, because she loves me so much and doesn't want to bore me with lectures but rather inspire me with snippets of wisdom she trusts me to interpret and use appropriately when the time is right - cause yeah my Mom loves me like air and would feed me her last breath if it meant I would live and thrive. Yes my darling one - I would....I love my kids all four of them like a Momma bear because well I am one - BUT I also have done this parenting thing seeing them and loving them separate from who they are to me and based on who they are as human beings. I have four very unique and wonderful human beings for offspring. They definitely are my children and I see A LOT of me in them, and yet - what I love about them the most is how different they are from me - I love their independent spirits and destinies that are all their own. It's a really blessed way to see your children. And I see them, oh so clearly. With that clarity, I see the unique struggles they will face as they find themselves and begin to maneuver their way through this very tricky world. I worry for my daughter the most because she is female and females have a harder time staying intact than males - just fact, so please don't debate me if you disagree. If you do, you must have a penis.... Life is harder for women and I just want it to be less hard than it has potential to be for my girl if at all possible.....I don't think it is a secret that I am pretty much sickened by society as of late. The images we are assaulted with are systematically destroying out values. I could ramble on forever about TV and all it traps - sexuality - obesity - violence - ignorance - politics - the almighty $$$$ - I mean really TV is like a 600 part rant/blog if I were to tackle, so you're welcome - I won't. I will just say that our CHILDREN are growing up too fast and to keep them young is to isolate them completely.....Seriously - it is that bad. The accelerated outward growth is not matched by an inward maturity because it is impossible for emotional maturation to keep up with the images and profane catch phrases of say for instance the television show two broke girls (OMG) How can Emma possibly process or understand what she absorbs if she happens to settle on this channel - she cannot and yet, her brain has already captured the images and the words. I don't have cable - I despise TV and I definitely don't let my kids get on the internet - they don't have phones and they are forbidden to watch R rated movies. BUT this is only at my house. Their dad watches R rated movies with them every weekend, in fact Matthew was just telling me that he and Emma watched American Pie this weekend. Emma will be 10 in November TEN TEN TEN. My daughter watched a man masturbate into an apple pie.......Great really fucking great. Well maybe I can snake in the woodpile that somehow and convince her masturbation is the was to go since all she will have to look out for is herself......Seriously WOW. My Ex thinks its FINE. But I will digress into that subject so.....move on. My point is that there is no plastic bubble to keep these kids safe from the world - it all comes down to what they believe about themselves.....Sigh and I must find a way to keep my children focused on the importance of themselves and their futures, to keep themselves from falling victim to a misguided way of thinking and behaving. Like I said initially - the boys who did the raping of that young woman showed their criminal acts around with pride. If my sons ever acted this way - I would have a really hard time with not killing them myself. What the hell went wrong there??? I worry so much about this world and where it is headed and the four individuals who I love the most who must make it through, mostly without me. 8 hours a day in school is more time than they spend with me. I don't know if I have said anything here of any value - I certainly feel like I was all over the board - I guess that is my point in essence - if I feel all over the board and overstimulated in my brain regarding the issues they face, and I am the parent - what must these kids feel and how do we combat that and see clearly and truthfully what is really going on in their private lives away from us? I feel so much sorrow for that poor woman who lost her daughter to sexual assault and ultimately undue shame.....I cannot process how this happens. In my life - I will just tighten my bubble, continue to talk about woodpiles and battle my ex on the merits of NOT drowning our kids in oceans of inappropriateness.... I pray my one voice is the loudest they hear and that I am always there to wipe Emma's mascara streaks before they dry her eyes shut, I snake in the woodpile and pray. Exhale.