growing up Dave.

Good Evening Blog readers, It is a lovely Virginia Autumn evening and I hate to say this if it's rubbing someones face in it, but....there is no more beautiful smell than the air in Virginia - pick a season it, it applies year round. But man do I love it crisp, the kind of air that begs to be stayed out in, constantly. I see that I have been monitored today by the present "girlfriend" - I should probably apologize to Bob via her, for insulting his alter ego, the Rooster. Although I will say that Roosters primary concern is not his "chickies," but rather his choice and numbers of hen vagina and his big mouth that he likes to run while the world is still in quiet. But Bob doesn't associate with him for that reason at all, and I truly know this, deep down - it's not his over possessiveness, or the fact that his stump must be above all the females, or that he is also called a cock....none of those reasons either. I know there is a reason though.....Have I mentioned how much I make myself laugh out loud? Love that..... I am sorry Bob for all inaccuracies. You know better than anyone that when you are good and pissed off, well venting helps. Especially when it is all you have...I know baby and I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I made a few cracks that were pissy - can't imagine why... I digress and laugh AGAIN. Thing about Bob and Deb is that we are the only two who know - well and Becca and Ben. But really just me and Bob and REALLY those are the only two people who matter here. I write about my life openly, but lately I have blogged in codes and hidden meanings - I have not just told you the whole truth and nothing but the truth - I have skirted. Maybe skirting is pissy, but telling the story is the book PROOF. You are all going to shit your pants..... Cause I write the activities that take place in door frames for real, for real and that my friends may be too much real for most. You will love every character and hate them too. You just wait. And with that heartfelt apology to my one and only Rooster - I now write the details of this moment, the one we are entering.... The air reminds me of kissing David Arend when I was sixteen. DAMN. one word only - DAMN.....I love you David, since I was sweet. Sea glass eyes and a perfect mouth to crawl in. Thank you. But my first David is a path to my always David. Dave Matthews.... I can't form a word, I just deep breathe - that is all and everything I got. I have been obsessively listening to this new CD AWAY FROM THE WORLD. Are they for real with that title right now? LOVE THEM. For those of you who know me,know that this is out of the ordinary fan/musician relationship. You know he is something to me for which there is no word. The CD is playing now as I type. I am thinking that we have grown up together. We are always in the same place at the same time. I never feel alone or misunderstood in his company, their company. They are integral parts of my coming of age. They each play a part, a significant role. I said "Carter does unexpected shit - like blue note back beat jazz shit, but even so, it's the reverse of what you anticipate - what you think makes sense - but then you find that he fills empty space you didn't realize was empty until he filled it." The obvious. Because it's Carter Beuford on the drums. Heard that line a few thousand times in my life - and I am crying and smiling. Literally crying. This music and these men have filled the unknown empty spaces more than the men that dug the holes could have ever dreamed. Real Workers. They are the music of my mind - if I could have, I would have, but then I wouldn't be me and me them, and than it wouldn't be - we need each other to be who we are for it work. But if I could have it would have. But it is. I watched Dave deliver Leroi's eulogy, hands wringing behind his back. The grief was overwhelming and when the church filled with his sax sounds even though his casket was in front of me, I though I might faint for the pain of it all. I say it to Mary, "it's like Dave said about Leroi....watching him struggle, one of the greatest gifts of my life" That is love. Watching your friend struggle into themselves, being a part of that is a great joy. Only you who understand that will get it. I miss Leroi in these songs. I can hear the lack of him and his spirit, nowwwww I am really crying. I loved Leroi Moore with all my heart. His saxophone solo in #41 is the oil in my hips, the sex in my shoulders, the drop of my neck in surrender, my soul's most honest singing voice. I miss Leroi Moore. I will always miss him. BUT........the they endure for me and we grieve about our lost ones together even though there is a sax and Jeff Coffin is just evolution because this never dies it just changes, adapts. JEEESUSSS I am in rare form. Dave Matthews and Stefan Lessard, Carter Beuford, Tim Reynolds, Boyd Tinsley, Rashawn Ross and Jeff Coffin, Leroi Moore - well they do that to me. This album is brilliant, I am in that space. Right the fuck dead smack in it. My birthday is coming....October 11th. I leave the 41st year soon. I am dead smack in it and reborn. Yikes. But anyways, I cannot concentrate because I am hearing lyrics I missed previously, picks on a string, a triangle jingle.... I love you guys. Little steel guitar just now. 'Come the winter I will build you a fire from the bones of what I used to be.' I get it Dave. Gotcha. I have to go dance with myself now, my body says so.