Becca, Ben and Deb = laughter.

I had a great night tonight, truly. After work I drove to the pizza place to grab grub for the brats, then I headed out to Ben and Becca's to hang out. Most of the night the three of us sat on the porch, me rocking steadily in what it now MY chair. It is starting to like the feel of me as much as I like the feel of it. The three of us laughed and laughed and laughed while the kids played and played, despite Ben's paranoia over the copper heads and the frog scent left on the kiddos.... Copper heads eat frogs and apparently kids. It was hotter than hell tonight and Ben kept wiping the top of his bald head with his t-shirt, bitching relentlessly about the heat. Every once in a while Rebecca would go inside and leave Ben and I alone - we began to argue instantly about the do's and the don'ts of marriage, parenting and the blended family dynamic. Ben and I argue like siblings, I always win - he always shakes his head in defeat, head hung low "I don't know Deborah" - "Sure you do Benjamin, so shut the fuck up and do the right thing...." He smiles. I decided tonight that it is very possible Ben and I were brother and sister in a different life - we have a great friendship, one that just grows more steadily. He makes me laugh hysterically - sometimes he says the funniest shit - but mostly I laugh because he laughs at me - can never believe the shit that comes out of my mouth, the layered and perfect way my brain works - a story teller with a big freaking mouth just like him. We are brother and sister - I am the the older sibling and I am the alpha female so he has to listen. I always tell him how it is and...that if he hurts Rebecca I am going to have to Selph him and cut his head off for real, for real. Ben is husband to one of my dearest friends, sure - but I will cut him, no doubt if he does my Becca wrong....He won't, if not for his immense love for her and desire to do right by - but for fear of me, especially now that he has seen me in fighter mode - he is genuinely surprised by bravery and badassness, maybe my crazy is more than he expected? Becca, well not so much.... Tonight I said something so wrong it was right and we three knew it - my build up was steady, the layers working smoothly one paint stroke on top of the other - the dimension divine - when I finally hit with the punch line - finished the master piece, they were both doubled over and Rebecca said "there's the Deb I know" - You're all dying to know what I said - I cannot tell you for fear of a law suit and screen play offer - we will suffice it to say Norman Bates came up and a particular reverse cowgirl. Ben actually said, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA a little pee came out" Becca knows my hilarity and also knows my toughness. She always has, she has been one of my most consistent cheerleaders. She is far more reserved that me, she is the observer type, she takes every single thing in. So funny, when we were gym rats years ago - the two baddest ass chicks there - other people were actually intimidated by us - me and my out going self and Becca and her quiet watchful self. People were always wondering what we were up to.... she and I have been through so much - endured so much by each others sides. Tonight watching Gabrielle as she sat on the arm of Rebecca's chair - I saw Gabs little - six years ago - she was little. Now she is a pre-teen and looking like one - before we know it she will be sipping a glass of red with Rebecca and I at some restaurant talking about college and her newest boyfriend - Time it sure does tick on. Several times tonight I thought about how sad it was that there were four people missing from this scene. The group of us would have laughed so much - had so much fun - grown ups and kids all in love. I was sad for what he was missing, what he has given up that he never even realized he had. Friendship - real friendship is fantastic. He never got to hear Ben and I argue like siblings - he would have loved that as much as Ben and I do. How nice it would have been for the four of us to return to the porch in the summer warmth, enjoyed being adult friends and loved ones. Thing is...I get them regardless. Rebecca I will always have for she and I are family - Ben....well that m'fer gets to stick around and be my brother is he takes good care of my family - I can get a machete too Ben :) I feel lucky, even amongst the great sadness that is felt by the missing four. I know that I am true - and I know that I am valuable. I feel it there on the porch laughing my sick ass off with my friends. It was a good night despite the ghosts around the house - the ones I can feel missing me on the wind. Wind only counts for so much, real friends and real laughter count for more.... Tonight was a good night.