girl has gumption.

Good Sunday afternoon my loves, I hope that you all have had a glorious day thus far. Me you ask?
As a matter of fact I have.
I woke up this morning to face hours of biology projects for my final portfolio and although that is NOT what I wanted to be doing, there was certainly a sense of relief in beating the demon down once and for all - this damn class has me procrastinating and avoiding the work all semester - I am just plain not science minded.
First task at hand was to write my contribution statement which will close out my portfolio, it is essentially the period at the end of the book.
It was supposed to be short and sweet, HA - not when it's an opportunity to write in my voice - I went on and on, three pages long. I began the process, assuming that what would pour out of me was a heart felt apology letter, trust me my BIO professor is due that courtesy.
Instead I found myself writing about the challenges I have had to overcome within myself to actually get through the last three years in pursuit of degree number one. I shared with Dr. Willis the phoenix rising from the ashes of the her self inflicted burned down life/self confidence story. I ended by saying that although my contributions to college science were NOT what I am sure he had hoped they would be and were certainly NOT what I had set out to achieve, I had achieved what I was capable of, none the less. I told him that my greatest contribution to biology was outside the classroom, started in my womb and now stands upright times 8 - motherhood is in essence biology - I have had more DNA molecules multiply than most - that, and also I have served as an example and an inspiration to my fellow students. Both in what they should not do (put off their education until middle age when real life is at it's realest) but most importantly what a person is capable of accomplishing despite a bazillion obstacles.
I am not at all sure that he will accept it (I do have a way of ignoring directions) or that he will appreciate it and most importantly as I teeter on the edge of failure, that it will get me a passing grade.
But, I wrote in truth about MY contribution to biology.
I felt satisfied and I guess pass or fail, I have yet again, satisfied the requirements of truth and my own spirit. In the end, this is always what is most important - I have learned this lesson most of all.
Sitting on the table beside me is my graduation notification. If I pass my Spring classes, I will graduate Summa cum Laude - the highest distinction, my GPA I have learned in the group all the way at the top.
Not sure I will pass BIO, may have to repeat the class and get my degree in August, praying that I can pull the final out of my ass and be done with all this science nonsense. Only time will tell.
Regardless I am fanning my feathers like a peacock today, letting all my colors show.
The pretty, the ugly and the variations in between.
It is all those subtleties and extremes that brought the words Summa cum Laude into my life.
I have fought hard and steadfast, been throwing punches underwater struggling to rise for air.
The air feels nice at the top, the view is amazing.
I am NOT, mind you, tooting my horn or running my big mouth.
I am proud that I have finally done what I set out to do a million years ago before the water ran over my life and drowned out my dreams.
I told Dr. Willis that I may never do anything at all with my degree but hang it on my wall amongst my family photos - if that is all that ever becomes of it, it will be if nothing else, amongst the most beautiful company, my proudest achievements hanging together.
Now I sit, for a moment writing to you all, a glass of cranberry juice on ice, my bare shoulders in a strapless sundress the fresh air and a thousand bugs blowing in the open back door, Jason Mraz singing to me about 93 million miles -
I feel satisfied.
I FEEL SATISFIED.
It is a strange new world.
Blessings my friends and as always, all the perfect love in my heart.