People who work in retail, regularly want to blow their brains out through the month of December (for me I threaten suicide at least once a day - the constant holiday music makes me insane),add kids and finals and oh wait, marital separation to that list and I proclaim I am lucky to be alive.
I felt very blessed as I left work, even in the down pouring rain.
I decided this afternoon would be a great afternoon to make my favorite peanut butter hershey kiss cookies with Emma, shitty days inspire cookie baking - don't they?
So off I drove to food lion for supplies.
People were miserable every aisle I went down.
Rude, crass, bitching relentlessly on their cell phones, arguing with each other in the frozen food section,
when I smiled as I passed people, they ALL looked at me like I was fucking crazy.
I am just going to say it because it is true, I am NEVER rude to people, my manners never fall from grace EVEN when I am in a shitty mood - I may not appear as chatty but NEVER EVER rude.
My manners are built in and not subjective.
I was like "wow - can't wait to get home and bake some cookies with my Mimz - get the hell away from all the sour puss people who look, sound and act like they have a tree trunk up their ass.
I hauled my sixty (say what?) dollars worth of groceries out to the car,turned the key and the radio came on as I pulled away from the space.
I had on NPR because I cannot stand the filth and horrible music (is it music? - oh my I am old...) that was playing on Emma's favorite radio station hot 101.9 -
As I drove, wind shield wipers working furiously to clear my view, the news reported the death of a seven year old girl (I missed where she was from) who was found in a trash bag in the dumpster of her apartment complex. It continued, she died from blows to the head, repeated stab wounds and was raped.
She was seven, seven.
I pulled over to the shoulder of the road, images assaulting my mind, my stomach turning over, waves of grief racking my rib cage.
I put my forehead to the cool steering wheel and tried to breathe.
I began to sweat profusely, tears were filling and spilling at a rate that is unexpected even for a crier like me.
I sat there hyperventilating, trying not to die from lack of oxygen for a good ten minutes before I could ride on.
When I was able to move, I moved slowly and fought the images of Emma, fought with all my might to push her away, her beautiful innocence, her bright eyes, the sound of her purring as she cuddles me and rolls into the soft spot in my arms made just for her.
I am overwhelmed with emotion right now and all I can do is write about it.
I am pissed off and sad and confused and feel helpless.
What the fuck is wrong with people?
Who rapes little girls?
Who the hell gets off on stabbing a baby girl?
Hitting her in the head?
I can't stand it - I want to harness all my feminine power and crusade for this kind of shit to stop.
I don't want any little girl to ever be that frightened, that hurt, that dead.
A few years back in my ethics class for one of my projects, I researched the pornography industry, the black market selling of women and little girls, the number of sex slaves here in the United States.
I was shocked and horrified by the statistics and even more so when compared to other countries world wide,
not only is child pornography a leader in adult entertainment and a huge money HUGE money maker,
but we also (comparatively speaking) have an epidemic of violent sexual crimes and murders - we Americans lead the pack in objectifying the female body, even infants (6 months old), raping each others daughters and killing the little girl who lives in the same apartment complex.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?
Well, I will tell you my theory - (and I am proud to be an American so don't even backlash me that shit)
We as a society, as a human race, but especially here in America are devouring ourselves. Gluttony, self gratification, over stimulation, objectifying of women, lack of respect for human life etc. etc. is spreading like the plague.
I mean we live in a society where porn is accessible on your smart phone. Now the sick Motherfuckers who rape kids can travel with their clips and get stimulated to act on the fly.
We feed ourselves crap.
Everything is sexual.
Women and their bodies are constantly objectified.
Music is filth, filth right on the air waves - absolute blatant filth.
The mass media is giving us what we want and what we want is SICK.
I was flipping through the TV last night on my way to PBS and came across some reality show about little girls. "something ? and Tiaras?"
WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO WATCH THAT SHIT?
And if you do - I say get a life, because REALLY?
We have nothing better to do????
The human race is in danger - real danger and it frightens me.
People please do something.
I cannot stand it, a seven year old girl, beaten, stabbed and raped.....
That poor baby, that poor poor sweet baby.
All I can do is pray the sick sick fuck had mercy and knocked her out before ravaging and destroying her light.
Seriously, this is not okay, this is just not okay.
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