Maine Blog 1

Good Morning Blog readers,
I hope this Wednesday morning finds you feeling fine. Today I woke up in the first bedroom at camp on Five Fingers Road in Oakland, Maine. It’s been years since I woke up in this camp house. I am naturally the first one up, I am was greeted by the sun in my face as it slid through the slats of the closed blinds that do little to block out the light anyways. I woke up with two words in my head. OBJECT PERMANENCE. Throw back vocab to my psych class from last semester. In context of developmental psych, object permanence is when a baby learns that just because they cannot identify something directly in their visual field, does NOT mean that it is gone permanently – just that they cannot see it. For example, Mom is here – Mom went into the kitchen to get my bottle = Mom is GONE. When a baby develops object permanence they realize Mom went in to get my bottle – she will return.
I haven’t been to camp in years, I am going to estimate almost five maybe, truth is, I cannot remember when I was last here. That in itself is weird and I am sure I could come up with a psych term for that specific state of amnesia – something called selective memory maybe??
At any rate, I am here now.
I have spent a lot of summers here at the Poulin camp, there was a time when I would look forward to this reprieve on the lake all year long. A time when I drove onto the sprawling grass lawn and swear that I witnessed the house take a deep breath and then settle into a warm smile – yes, she’s here – and I will be loved.
And fyi, the house was sad when it got vaccumed for the final time, last trash bag of crap hauled out and the final walkthrough was complete.
There was a time I would sit out on the dock by myself to breathe in the sight one last time before I took the stroll to the car which was full of impatient people waiting on me to leave.
There was a time when this place was my heaven on earth.
Even without me all these years, it has survived and stands in the same spot, same rock on the shore, same old rusty swing still sitting on the lawn.
That makes me happy as I sit here typing and can hear the train whistle as it crosses the tracks two and a half fingers deep.
How many times did a penny get left on those tracks and retrieved the next day?
How many times have I run that dirt road in the morning sunlight with my IPOD, hoping a black bear didn’t eat me on my way through?
How many times have I sat in that swing, back and forth and back and forth?
How many Maine mosquitoes bites have I itched while I bitched?
How many times have I shaved my legs in the lake?
I have loved my time here at camp, truly I have.
This trip is a strange one, I am a Poulin by marriage without my marital counterpart.
I am here amongst the Poulins, just me and my two Poulin offspring.
I will admit it’s kinda nice but yes, kinda strange.
So much of my marital history played out here, so many good moments that Dan and I once shared occurred in this very place. I am flooded with them at each corner I turn and part of me longs for a rewind button and the insert of a good marriage counselor before it all went so terribly wrong. If wishes were fishes.
Sad to have great memories hurt a little because they are tainted by the present.
Sad that Matt and Emma don’t have those memories of their Mommy and Daddy here floating in the lake together, sitting around the camp fire, swinging and cuddling in the swing.
Sucks really and I am getting in to a mood with this so let’s switch directions.
I am here now with my Sister in law Pam, her husband “Uncle Eric “ and our brood of Poulin demons.
So far so good and so far I feel really happy to be here, really lucky to still be a part of everyone’s lives despite how times have changed.
My kids are settling in nicely. They are accustomed to the bug bites (although Emma marvels at the amount of bugs here in Maine), they have almost mastered the art of not slamming the screen door and the fine art of the perfect smore.
So far no injuries, no illness, no fires and no fights.
Matt and his cousin Taylor had the run down yesterday of all the felonies it would NOT be okay to commit whilst in each other’s company – Frick and Frack – two peas in a pod – Trouble with a capital T…..They are cut from the same cloth and that means I am exempt from all the blame and will be sure to remind Dan of that as Matthew grows up.
Ha, it’s a Poulin thang.
Today I am overjoyed to know that object permanence is real – Camp is still here even though I have been away.
I would like the breast cancer that is still here to go the fuck away though and leave my sister in- law alone.
Good to see her laugh about her eyebrows though and with that I am tearing up and typing is getting hard.
Enough said.
Object permanence.