And so it begins.....

Good Morning Blog readers. sorry for the hiccup in my postings (for those of you who read me daily) - I have a really good excuse though, wanna hear it?
I started writing my book....Oh my God, I started writing my book.... I type that and than ponder in my head of the nearly seven thousand words that I have typed in 'The Canary Memoirs' - how many of those will I actually keep, how many words of the first draft will make it until the final draft? I rewrite chapter one in my head morning noon and night while I should be doing other things, writing a book is a creative process that kinda takes over the writers life.
And I said it, I am a writer.
I remember last year when my Grandpa died, after I had read the eulogy, my cousin Eddied asked me, "So what are you a writer?" and I answered "Well not yet, but I am trying to be" Mary elbowed me in the chops so hard - "YOU ANSWER YES, WHY YES I AM A WRITER, NEXT TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU DIP SHIT...."
Yes, Yes I am a writer.
I am an artist.
Ha, I love that. I AM A WRITER.
Last night my college school girl professor crush was talking about, how for authors being published is the ultimate goal. Being published means that your work has a chance to be known - I sighed a heavy, labored sigh as I sat with my head resting in my palm - yes, I want to be published so bad it hurts my insides to even consider it.
I want more than anything to see my name on the bottom of a hard covered book front and MY words to be bound on numbered pages with a dedication to Mary on the first page and my bio with a decent picture on the back flap.
I want to know that they (my words) make out into the world and will remain for all of time. I want someone, someday to come across my novel and laugh that it's a dinosaur back from the days when books were printed on paper.
I better hurry, frickin kindles and nooks are taking over....
Unfortunately for me and I imagine most writers, writing an actual book is a slow journey, one that comes like the tides.
It's here now - get to a computer and write for fucks sake.
Oh shit, no computer someone give me a napkin and a pen please, yes fine a receipt back and a pencil will do.
Like this morning for instance...I woke up thinking of chapter one and realized that the blinking green lights of the firefly's on the lawn would be better served, metaphorically speaking, as a vacancy motel sign, not suspended mini emerald cities. And so I must go back to that place in chapter one and begin the slice and dice....
Chapter one will not be left alone so easily.
I know that most writers write and marinate in what they have written and then go back and tweak what wasn't quite what they were trying to say - this is when my nagging self doubt is going to have to be managed like a disorder...
I will have to keep my quitter alter ego tied up somewhere with duct tape on her mouth and her hands bound thrice in a heavy twine to keep that meddling bitch from deleting entire paragraphs and throwing mouses in frustration and self deprecation.
She quits too easily and hates even easier.
But she's manageable OH NO I'M NOT, go away chubby Debbie, this doesn't involve you except that you are the main character hahahahaha.
She hates me, the new improved stronger version. The old me was comfortable in her misery - "better to know something than to know nothing"
HA, just quoted my book.
I am such a tease aren't I?
And so my blogging love bugs, I may have to get in and get out of this page quickly each day so that the novel writer had more time to get her head in the game.
I love you all though, with all my heart - your devotion astonishes me as I see the "view hits" number rise and rise in my blogger stats category.
Thanks for all your support - your comments, when you reveal yourself to me, make me feel like I belong and that my words mean something to you all - priceless that feeling, being understood and encouraged...
Priceless I say.
Makes me feel worthy.
And with that worthiness I must go, depart you all for the time being and go be worthy in my life for just a bit.
I really need the pool today as I feel like my head is in a vice grip this morning - I think my thyroid is playing games with me again.UGH.
I need to relax in my head and splash in some salty water, feel the sun on my belly flab.
Before the pool I have to act like a Mother though and make beds or something....
I bid you all adieu and say - if I am not here as much, it's because of the book.
And I know you all want to read my book, right?
Blessings and love - Deb