Ready ? Set ? GOOOOO

So I am done with this semester, finally.....After months of working my ass off I can finally take a breath, loosen my posture of  "at attention" just a little bit and just for a little while. It means not all of me is going to be exhausted, just some of me....I cannot wait to get to that point, it'll be a few days to come down and maybe a few more considering it will be in the thick of Christmas Eve or Morning. I am not sure what normal human feels like any more but I am looking forward to meeting that person again. This is not only a come down for a few weeks, but also a few solid weeks to re-group and start out new, seeing with a fresh pair of clean eyes. I need to do some serious soul searching. Some serious battle prep for war with myself, my weaker and more evil inner voice. Man she is something that coaxer and excuse maker. She reels me in time and again even though I know what she's up to and also know she's a coward. She has this way about her, hhmmmm.
And so I say this mission is one of self respect (yet again)

Here's the situation as I see it... I had to go to school when I did, the right things had to happen to get me there in my head. When that happened, naturally I was in the best physical shape of my life and feeling pretty good about myself and my health. I had arrived at a place where running 25 miles a week was average and weight bars were dance partners. It was fairly amazing to be almost 40 and a Mother to four children, (one who was 19) and be damn sure I could out run an attacker and kick his ass, if not. Felt like a machine in a lot of ways, the mechanics were oiled and parts were in sync. It was good.
Then came school and oh how I loved school. That did for me psychologically what running did for me physically, my brain got tough like my abs. Buttttttt the school work took place of the gym work and before I knew it I was sustaining myself through the late night classes with late meals, late night snacks and during history and sometimes philosophy a cookie and/or a candy bar....I noticed that I was gaining weight last winter and knew that things were slackening up from the lack of pump, but still I thought I had it under control. Then I realized this summer my summer clothes felt different and my boobs were too big for last years bikini. I didn't pressure myself though, after all Papa had died and I did two semesters at 4.0, no one could do it all.......
Then Ms. Evil said go ahead, smoke one....Then before I knew it my slippery slope sent me reeling backward and and in too deep, too fast. Marlboro menthol golds and candy bars, shit.
Now I am three weeks in, back off the butts BUT 17 pounds heavier....I haven't really run run in a year, maybe fifteen months.
I can't do it all.... but I CAN that's the thing. I will never be perfect and I am so cool with imperfection, I am not however, down with unhealthy. That girl is not my "it girl", she's that excuse giver and allowance maker....
So back to square 1, on Jan 1....This self respecting healthy thriving woman is about to get her Libra on and better balance all things Deb. Running is what I do and I believe, will be a great power tool for the stamina full time college requires of a for a  40 year old Ma. I am bout to get my run on and my A's on, same time, together. I am getting the brain and the machine to work together next semester, lets see all the things they push each other to do....Getting back in the drivers seat, almost there in my head, 10 days to go.