summertime blues

Sighhhhhh,
I am feeling a little down today, a lot like I want to crawl into bed and hide. I can't seem to get out of my own way emotionally and my reflection makes me me want to to puke. I have a PINK lyric on loop in the brain, "It's bad when you annoy yourself" If only it were that simple and specific. If that were the case I 'd avoid mirrors, unfortunately everything is grating on my nerves today. I think it must be hormonal and the fact that old man Winter has wrapped me in cold that seeps in deep, hurting my bones and my spirit 24/7.... I believe it's happened, my vitamin D stores have finally run out, along with any pigmentation to my skin.... I am experiencing the onset of Winter depression and the joys of womanhood all in one day and crying seems the only logical and reasonable thing to do.
I managed to wrap some presents with Emma and than we gave Willa a dog bath in the tub in my bathroom. I did succeed in completing two tasks and no one paid with their life, so all in all I feel satisfied that at the very least there are no warrants out for my arrest. I did shower and changed from my footie pajamas to sweat pants and my favorite old worn t-shirt. I have deodorant on and my hair is clean, although it is drying on my head in ringlets like Medusa's writhing snakes. Fuck it.
ugghhhhh. What a miserable bitch I am today....wow.
I want summer back and I want it back now. I want the heat, the chlorine smells, the sweat droplets running down my front and pooling in my bellybutton. I want inappropriate day dreams taking place to the backdrop of Dave on the ipod as I lay on my back, one knee up swaying out, then in and out, then in. I want to dive in the cool water and wash myself clean of stress. I want to float and hear kids laughing. I want to stare into the day-glow green rimmed yellow and pink spots that dance behind squinting lids following the sun's game of  peek a boo with that passing cloud...I want the smell of my summer perfume mingled with my summer thoughts. I want strapless sundresses and tanned bare shoulders. I want flip flops and high heeled sandals. I want to suck ice cubes for relief, relief from the oppressive heat and all things elusive. I want summer.

I NEED to take my vitamin D and some ibu but I think I'll go dig my beach towels from the linen closet and suffocate myself in them instead...... I'm kidding, sort of.