It's snowing in Virginia....I am in defense against the elements mode. It's so stupid. I see white outside and instantly begin to throw open kitchen cabinets accessing what masterpieces I can drum up with whatever I have hanging around on shelves and in the fridge. I become a pacing, anxiety ridden, cooking fool. I am kinda scared that I may be permanently damaged and that this unreasonable reaction to the winter elements may be a fixed part of who I now am.... I do not like it, not one damn bit.
I am after all, a Northern girl. I grew up in Boston and went even further up for seven years and hung out in Maine for a bit. I know snow. And although I literally had enough wintry precip to last me a lifetime, I didn't feel threatened by it until last year in Virginia, the SOUTH.
I really can't rehash it, it really makes me feel sick to go there, I will just say that I thought I might die and it emotionally damaged me.
I set out on foot after eight and a half hours in my vehicle. I think it went a little like this....
I opened my car door, slammed it, kicked it, swore like a drunk sailor and said "Fuck You Mother Nature, I am a Northern Girl, you won't fucking get the best of me Bitch" and off I went into the dark snowy night, pissed off way beyond irrationality.
I had no light, not nearly enough clothes on and I was all alone, knee deep in heavy wet snow. It was ugly. The thing that I didn't anticipate, was how quickly I would lose my bearings. I really thought I had a good grasp on where I was, but what I found out there in the elements, is that very quickly in the dark and with snow falling in solid white sheets around you, your perception of space and time zeros out rapidly.
Obviously I made it home, BUT I didn't make it out unscathed. I vividly recall, the feeling of my hysterical tears freezing solid on my face as I listened to Marys voice (cell phone tucked in my coat collar) urge me to "keep going, keep walking, you're doing great" even though she and I both knew, we had no real idea where the fuck I was.
It was the first time I was afraid of Nature and felt it's wrath in one on one combat, I survived but man did she kick my ass....
After I stopped crying and thawing, I began to cook. I built up walls of food to protect myself. Warm oven. warm food. Warm house. Screw the snow. Warm food, warm over, warm jammies, warm cookies, warm bread, warm bath. This went on for weeks until we lost power.....
And with that I have had enough remembering, my stomach is hurting, literally.
I love the Holidays and I know that snow falling is supposed to make me want to make hot cocoa for the kids and listen to merry music about walking in Winter wonderlands...
BUT instead, I wish a little bottle would appear on my counter that says drink me (no not red wine). A bottle like the one in Alice in Wonderland, except in Deb's Wonderland I would take my miniature size self and scale my little ass up and over the side of the crock pot and fall in with with the roast I just started. There where it's warm and fragrant, I would wait to come out until the pool opens in May....I HATE SNOW.
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