finally finals

Hi,

For those of you blog viewers who do not know me super well, I am a college student, third semester. You should also know, that this is a huge deal for me. Although most of the world automatically assumes that I am pure bad ass, the truth is I am not. Well I mean I am, BUT up until about two years ago that trait was mostly a survival mechanism and in large part a facade. There is after all, a monumental difference between being a survivor and going in with confidence. I am a survivor, no doubt, and I am proud as hell of not only what I have survived, but the grace and agility I have shown while engaged in battle time after time. But I will be honest here and say that JUST always ONLY surviving, can feel a little lack luster with the ticking of time....
For various reasons (blogs for other days), I finally arrived at the place where I was ready to not survive this life but be the captain of my own damn ship. The college process and harnessing my love of writing is key to that destiny, and so here I am, third semester and in finals week hell...
This semester has been tough for me. I took on more credits in extremely demanding classes and have dizzily balanced the fine line of less than perfect all semester. My biggest personal beef is that I HATE performing at a level lower than what I am capable of BUT I have made real progress this season reminding myself that I am not your average 20 year old student, I am a woman with an overflowing life. It is inevitable under these circumstances to sometimes fall short of my best in every arena of my life.....
It's hard for me, but very factual.
Finals week is Hell week, it is all out, complete and total misery. I am exhausted, anxiety ridden and feel like every bit of information I cram in, falls expediently out of a trap door in my forty year old, early onset of Alzheimer's brain. It's Christmas, I have kids, I work in retail and I am a full time college student with four finals in one week....What was I thinking???
Who am I kidding, I love all this misery, LOVE it with all my big and full heart. LOVE that I am finally a college student who can rightfully bitch about exams. Love that I am not merely surviving finals week, but   thriving in finals week and have kicked ass on two thus far.
Really, I am overwhelmingly happy (although this week incredibly ugly and twitching slightly)
I am sooooo blessed to finally have finals in my world.