For Alex

Good Rainy Morning to you.... I only have about ten minutes and then I have to fly off to my next class, although really what I want to do is go disappear in a comfy arm chair in the back of the library and sleep...I will survive though, big ass cup of coffee #2 just went down the gullet. Stop complaining Deb geez. I wanted to just take you down my morning thought path - this is what I was thinking as I drove to school through the mist of gray rain.... I was listening to Zac Brown "Free" as I wound down route 53. In my head, I could see Mary in the sun room at the PH house with a red pen in her hand, her long legs stretched out before her on the wicker table, a thoughtful concentration on her face as she revised a chapter of my book.... I could feel her - the vision was so detailed, so clear. I could hear her in the words Zac sang and especially in the sound of the violin as it cried. That image led me to a phone call we had recently... She called from a concert she was at in Portland - some local guy whose name I cannot recall, but voice I can. She called me at that very moment so that I could hear the song he was singing. She said "do you know what it is?" It was Tupelo Honey. She then explained to whoever was with her (Cameron I think) why that song warranted a call to me. "It was the song she heard on the radio one day and began to bawl - it was the moment she knew the baby she was carrying was a girl" My BFF is probably the only person that knows that and, would call me to share.... That thought led me to Alex - Alex is Alli's best friend (the young lady from my previous blog) My heart felt like lead and my eyes stung with tears as they filled up. I remember when I lost my best friend when I was 18... A few weeks in and life must go on. You must get out of bed. You must eat. You must go to class. You must recognize the world around you is doing the 'same old same old' BUT the world hasn't lost their best friend.... I remember getting pissed at my other friends who went to a party the weekend after Omar was buried. A party? I wanted to hide in a dark room and cry for all of eternity. Well sure a party for others - life DOES continue. But, for the BFF who has lost her other half - nothing makes much sense, especially fun stuff. I am thinking about Alex today and hoping that she does not feel too alone, but I am fully aware that she does. I barely know her - and yet I am thinking of her, praying for her and loving her in my mind and heart.... I wish that I could do something, anything to help her. I love my best friend more than words can EVER hope to articulate, communicate, convey - the pain of that loss would literally rip free from my life any sense of a foundation. I remember what it felt like at 18 and hope that I never know that reality again. I can only imagine Alex's pain. I know it makes no difference at all - but Alex, I am here if you need someone. Sigh - now I have exhaustion bags and mascara streaks....