Anytime now Leona Shalom

Good Morning!
Again today - just woke up....I'm a sloth and I like it.
Drum Roll please.......
Today May 12th 2011 is my dear friend Rachel's baby's due date. Wow that was a mouthful even to type.
Today is the day she waddles her cute butt over to Cappelino's Crazy Cakes and gets herself a lemon drop cupcake - the sure fire labor inducer.
For those of you who are not local, Cappelino's is a 'specialty cupcake bakery' on the downtown mall where Rachel and I work.
In the last few months 38 women have gone into labor immediately after ingesting one of their delicious lemon drop cupcakes.
Today is the day my friend will put it to the test.
Of course I cannot wait for this beautiful little girl (Leona Shalom) to come into this world - I am ready to have all access to a new baby, I cannot wait to smell her and inspect every inch of her precious little body - nothing quite like newborn body parts to remind you how amazing the life cycle really is.
I keep telling Rachel excitedly - this process is really about my needs!
I get the baby tease all the time when cute little bundles of sweetness come into my store and coo at me - I wanna snatch em up and kiss them all over, problem is - I don't know these people.
Snatching babies = kidnapper...
Finally a newborn I can snuggle :)
Me being an integral part (at least in my mind) of Rachel's process began a year and a half ago (or so) when she handed me a sketch of two fish that she was drawing for her beloved Ariel.
Get ready for the supernatural weirdness....
I stared at the fish and I clearly saw images of of children and specifically a little girl with curls drawing a picture of a cornfield - Rachel knew I saw something other than fish and pushed me to divulge - she doesn't think I am nuts - in fact when I told her my vision, her eyes sparkled and her cheeks pinked up nicely.
I just knew Leona was coming.
Then Rachel proceeded to post this picture of herself on facebook, the most lovely picture of her in some sort of "post something" (hmmm?) glow...
I commented - "that is exactly what you will look like post birthing"...
Then she came by the store one Friday to retrieve her paycheck - she was as green as the Grinch and thought she had a stomach flu.
Yeah no - baby flu.
I received the text the next morning and called her immediately to find my friend in tears...Overwhelming to find you are a Mother, a lot of emotion to process...
I remember vividly all four times the news was delivered to me - your head spins with all the possibilities of change.
Greatest thing about Rachel's situation is that although Leona was unplanned, she and Ariel are really and truly in love, and what that love has created is going to be something extraordinary, I just know it.
Sometimes unexpected life altering change is the very best kind.
Scary yes, but so worth the fright.
Rachel is going to be the best Mom - this I am sure of.
Never a more gentle spirit have I met - calm, intuitive and wise beyond her years.
Perfect ingredients for a really great Mom.
And Ariel - well he is a gem. A truly glowing aura about him - a genuinely good guy.
And, they are both musical!!!!
I am excited to see Leona's musical prowess come to fruition - I hope she plays the piano like her Dad and sings like a lark just like her Momma.
Rachel and I have been singing together for years - when we we were at work and not talking, we were harmonizing effortlessly - now we will have our third supreme and be a real girl group, yesss.
Can you tell I am bursting with anticipation???
You would think I was an expectant Grandmother....
I just cannot wait.
And so, I am hoping that the nine months of anticipation comes to a close today, or at the very least in the next few - if not I think Rachel may burst - Leona looks like she could literally just detach and free fall off Rachel's tiny frame - seriously she is low and round...
I am praying that for Rachel the pain of Labor is minimal and that Leona comes into the world with ease - I am praying for a healthy baby girl and a healthy Rachel. I am praying for Ariel that he can bear seeing his love suffer (so hard to watch someone you love hurt) and that when all is said and done, this beautiful family will have a long life of good health, an abundance of happiness.
I am also selfishly praying that this friendship with Rachel will go on and on until the end of my life, that I get to be front row and center to watch their love story unfold...
And I'm just sayin in advance, I want to hold the baby.
God Bless my friends and I'm here if you need me, for always and forever xoxo

talkin bout my girl...

Hey hey hey,
So I just pulled myself out of bed - I could have stayed there all damn day - I am tapped.
This is where I feel my age - exhaustion.
I have stamina stores for when I need to perform, but once the performance level lowers, man do I feel the pain.
I feel like I have been run over by a truck, every inch of me is screaming for a vacation on a beach and a bed with cool cotton sheets.
How I wish that were in the cards.
Just now when I finally woke up and talked myself into facing this wreck of a house (mind you I am on the computer) I found my phone blinking with two text messages from my surrogate Mother - best friend - soul mate - hetero sexual wife - Mary...
She had just read my blog from last night while driving in her car and simultaneously tearing up - ROAD HAZARD.
She was beaning with pride as only a best friend does.
She is my champion of all champions.
You all probably feel like you know her on some level as she is the always present in my daily musings - she is in essence a very real part of me.
I do not know how I ever got so lucky as to have her for my partner in crime and my partner in life - whatever karma stores I had from my last go round were certainly used appropriately by getting her this for this crazy spin.
I can honestly say that I would cease to exist without her - there would have been a bottle of pills at some point equalling game over for me, had she not incessantly told me that I was worthy and deserving of a better life.
Nuts how one person can have so much power.
Thing is, my family life as a kid was a bit of a wreck, although I had Nana and Papa (Thank God) I did not ever know my biological Father and my Mother and I were as different as Night and Day.
Growing up with any kind of self worth when your Mom doesn't seem to like you makes for a difficult existence to say the least.
I came in to adulthood kinda lost and feeling like I would never be found and understood by anyone.
Then this family moved into the duplex next to me on good old Yeaton Street and my life was forever changed.
Mary rolled up her sleeves and got to work - she has been at it for almost eighteen long years now - it has taken her all of those years to birth the new and improved me.
And trust me, for her, I have no doubt this labor of love has been just that - a labor and similar in so many ways to birthing me. She has endured the pain of so much pushing -I know sometimes she gets really really tired (thanks Mirm) - talk about stamina.
When I do well on an exam - I call her like the rest of you college kids who call home to tell your Mom's.
I call her first with any tragedy or miracle - she is my go to girl.
What really rocks about this friendship is that through her I have also gained another family...
Her husband Shawn in also a best friend - her kids Colby and Cameron are loves of my life alike my own offspring and her Mother, her wonderful, hysterically funny Mother Karen is like my own Mother too. I have gone from Motherless child to a full family who counts me as one of their own and will never ever abandon me -
Finally, phew...
There is this magical place that is part of the package too, Mary's Grandmothers house in Prospect Harbor Maine, the most perfect slice of heaven out there.
The beauty that lives in that slice of serenity has little to do with the landscape although it is breathtaking - it has so much more to do with the atmosphere.
When you are there, you can hear the laughter of previous events, previous days, previous happiness in the breezes that blow - all the conversations of the past come alive again and you are able somehow to be a part of it all - it is a place where you become laced with the past, present and future and you feel your own life is an integral part to it's magic. would really love to be drinking this cup of coffee on that deck right about now...
How lucky am I?
I am so damn lucky that it reaches a level of utter ridiculousness - I really am one lucky girl.
Another spectacularly wonderful thing about this friendship, one of the things that has most definitely changed my perspective about myself, is that Mary counts herself as lucky to have me.
Her being my champion is like carving and buffing the diamond out of the rough. She thinks I am amazing and because of that feeling, she also counts on me...
We have grown as human beings because of each other - all the work has paid off in a safe place where truth is always okay - for us both.
What we have is nothing short of miraculous.
I remember when I sat at Leroi Moore's funeral watching my idol ring his hands behind his back with sadness and anxiety - he said that one of the greatest things about their friendship was that he got to be a part of Leroi's personal battle to love himself - I thought in that moment Mary is my Dave and I am her Leroi - Heaven or hell I'm going there with you.
Life would be boring without messes to stain dresses and my girl has is permanently colored with the stains of mine...She has an efficient stain remover in her corner and she doesn't put him to work at removing not one...
I have said over and over - it is the caliber of character in the those who love you that is important - numbers hold no candle to caliber.
I have the highest of caliber to call my best friend and for that, I am eternally grateful to fate.
Mirm - truth is, I am proudest that you are proud of me.
You who knows what I am really made of, cries for all your pride.
I love you more than I ever thought was possible to love someone who didn't exit my own body.
B is for beautiful messes with best my best friend.
And with that, off to sort through the shit of messes less beautiful than this.
Off to the piles of laundry.
I hope you all have a blessed day and if you have a BFF like Mary - why not call her today and say I love you?
Peace out homies

B is for Beautiful Mess

Good Evening blog readers...
Guess what? I don't have to be anywhere or do anything the next 48 hours - sahweet.
For two weeks, school is no more.
I am so relieved.
I got up early this morning despite not having to be in class at 8am because I had a dermatologist appointment that I have been dreading - Good news, the tri-colored mole on my face is benign, no skin cancer - summer goddess is in the clear.
Funny thing happened, I momentarily fell asleep during the exam...
I guess being naked on my stomach and having someone touch every inch of my body was a little too much like a massage - God I need a massage.
I giggled sleepily and explained the state of my life to the Doc, he told me I was ambitious - what he really meant was insane.
Now that I know I am okay, I kinda cannot wait to soak up some Vitamin D - of course with a thick coating of sunscreen slathered on, I got the lecture by at least three people in the doctor's office - okay fine, SPF 15.
Then I went to a reading event at Mimz's school, then off to the grocery store where I dropped $250 on groceries (food will last like 3 days)
All throughout my day I was thrilled to not have to write any papers or read any books, thrilled to no end that I have nothing but a stack of bills due - no school work is a nice reprieve.
Although I was not focusing on assignments, I will admit I was fairly obsessed with grades - I must have logged in to check for grade postings at least 50 times today...
I am so impatient.
So far two have posted, an A in cultural geography and an A in African American literature, yesssss.
I am however, feeling a little disappointed with the 88 point total I see for psychology. Although it has yet to officially post, by my calculation this will earn me a B...My first ever college B. UGH...
I wanted to blame the teacher because he was impossible on so many levels, but Mary reminded me of the exam that I did not study for due to insomnia and therefore decided to pick the answers based on how happy they made me. I was not in a good way- sleep dep = irrational Deb.
Okay fine - I did less than my best for sure.
Truth is, this whole semester was a half assed effort at best.
It was all life interference - my personal shit was hectic and stressful to say the least.
Mom duty reigned supreme and my kids needed me - simple fact.
I know that all in all, I did my best with what I had left over to give - The last five months, if nothing else have been a lesson - I cannot do everything perfectly all the time - sometimes you gotta give less than you want to.
UGH - SIGH.
I will tell the truth here, I am beating myself up a little bit.
I am reflecting on how I maybe could have done it differently, given a little more, worked a little harder - but, I really do need to STOP THAT.
That is the old me who wants to obsess over failure rather than revel in my accomplishments.
Papa would say "I'm proud of you kid" and so in his honor I am going to be proud of myself too.
And with that I am tearing up, eyes are full with water.
I am proud of me, really proud.
I have four kids, I am forty, I have a job and I am a full time college student.
I am a rock freaking star - that's all there is to it.
So B be damned - Because I have gained more from these experiences than any grades or GPA can ever accurately define...
Yesterday I brought home the school literary magazine that features my first place winning essay - I have had the balls to put me out there and found that me = winner.
Most importantly, I have overcome the doubting me and that is the most monumental win of my life...
Better late than never.
And so, I will wait for the other three grades to post and not freak out when I see the B or my changed GPA -
Only pride, only pride, pride with no melanoma.
Blessings, sigh - Blessings.

Please don't disappear....

I came home tonight on an end of semester high - it's finally over, I am all done. For a split second immediately following the elated sigh of relief, I panicked and felt lost - like what do I do now? Good thing I am enrolled in summer classes....I'll admit it, I am an education junkie...Until summer classes begin, I plan to rest and attempt to put away the piles of laundry that have been accumulating for weeks.
Maybe I will sit in the sun and read a novel for pure pleasure purposes, maybe go to the gym and try to lose this extra weight I have gained so that I can fit in my summer clothes -
This brings me to the topic that has me blogging at 12:30 am - weight loss and body image.
I was on my phone earlier looking at a youtube video that someone posted on facebook - a simulation of what the voices associated with schizophrenia may sound like.
Interesting stuff to say the least. I scrolled down to other associated videos and saw a young girl in her underwear (teenager) the video title was "watch me shrink"
I had to see what this was and so I clicked on it and sat with my hand to my heart as I watched this beautiful girl pull and tug at her body, imagining that the skin she pulled away from her bones was excess fat rolls. She turned around and around for the camera pulling at her flesh, the flesh on her stomach, on her underarms, on her thighs...She pulled and pulled with fierce self hatred and such a distortion of reality.
I was really bothered by this, like really bothered.
When I scrolled down from there I found endless videos of the same nature - girls in their underwear before the camera hating themselves into oblivion and invisibility.
The title to one girls video - "watch me disappear"
I cannot express how much this upsets me.
I hate that this is an epidemic in this country - I hate that this is a trend, I hate that young girls and grown women do this to themselves to attain some desperate sense of control -
It is awful, just awful and I wish that it would stop.
But how will it? How can it when youtube posts thousands of videos of this nature and they appear to be some sick initiation rite or entry requirement to the skinny girl club?
Oh my God what is happening to body image?
The skinny obsession in the media has got to stop - we as a society have to say NO to this beauty ideal before it kills off the healthy self loving female spirit.
Sure I want to lose the weight I have gained since I started school, since I stopped running and going to pump - sure I don't want to have to buy a whole new summer wardrobe because my clothes don't fit - but not bad enough, never bad enough to starve myself.
We are meant to have curves girls, we are women, not twelve year old boys...
I have no energy left to write - I am too upset by the images that burn behind my lids when I blink.
There are endless videos like that, that means endless girls starving themselves right now....
Please ladies - love yourselves and rage against the idea that skinny = beautiful.

My name isn't June

Good Morning blog readers
So this is it....Last class, last final tonight. I am feeling fairly broken so I am relieved that it all ends tonight. This last exam shouldn't be too terrible, it's mostly literature, art and music - three of my favorite things - I should be able to regurgitate it all with little effort - I hope.
I realized yesterday that Matthew and Emma's father is so frustrated with my face in a computer it is taking every ounce of energy for him not to kill me - he just doesn't get it - has nooooo idea how much work goes in to a full college semester, I think he far prefers me in the kitchen or with a mop in my hand...
Unfortunately for all my family, I am kinda over the domesticated wife thing and they are stuck fending for themselves.
I guess in some way I feel a little guilty for not being the house keeper I once was, but you know what? I am not the only one with working arms and legs in this house and most certainly not the only one with eyeballs.
The pile of shit on the floor is not mine and I know you all see it too.
humph.
I may be a little bitter this morning - maybe just a tad.
The thing is this - I stayed home with my kids when they were babies - none of my children ever went to daycare AND I always worked in some capacity - always have, always will.
In the most recent years (since Mimzy) I have in fact worked every weekend since she was weaned off breast milk (Oh did I mention I breast fed all my kids too?)
we are going on year six of being at work while the rest of the world has down time and R&R. Essentially Friday and Saturday are my Wednesday and Thursday and I don't get home until 10pm - it sucks.
I don't get R&R unless I fight for it and then I am a neglect-or, grrr.
Sunday is my only day that I do not have to be anywhere - and during this last semester Sunday is the day I collapse from exhaustion and fall down dead - barely able to function and wearing a face that says "why should I?" -
Pisses my family off to no end.
Well I am just tired, how nice for you all that you have energy to play.
Yes I am bitter today, no doubt about it.
I want so much for my children especially, to understand the value of education - I want them to see my exhaustion and alleged neglect in context to the bigger picture.
They are fairly patient with me for the most part, but I have an idea that a little birdie whispers negative things in their ears which casts me in a less than perfect light in their eyes.
This kinda hurts and really pisses me off.
Not sure why it is always the woman's job to be thoroughly and completely selfless?
Anyone have that answer?
I know at some point then men of the clan had to go out and hunt and kill to bring home the supper, the tribal women couldn't hunt with babies hanging form their breasts, but really - times have changed.
The way I see it - I gave up my college experience and a professional life to take care of my kids - no daycares - Mom at the bus stop every damn day - AND I have been at it for twenty one years now. Oh, and I ALWAYS made money too, let's not forget that....Contributed in every sense of the word.
Can't a woman have her life too, have some identity other than maid/mom/taxi and not have to feel persecuted for it????
I am happy that this semester is ending - glad that I have two full weeks before summer classes begin....Happy that as it now stands, I am only signed up for two. Big sigh of relief.
I just hope for my families sake they all realize that this summer I write the book....Me being out of full time classes does not = no work for Mommy Dearest.
I have my own personal goals and shit is getting crossed off my list, like it or not.
My life is also mine and I am not a fan of swiffers or the vacuum.
For all you who will judge me, I am certainly not suggesting that this was not my choice - of course it was, having kids and being a Mom has always been my doing and #1 priority.
Priorities evolve and I am now on that list too, right at the top.
Maybe what I realize that Dan does not, is that a Mother who feels incomplete is not as good as a Mother who feels whole - even if that does mean more work for the rest of the clan.
Okay enough venting - I am off to shower and get ready for work and then off to class until ten pm tonight (like I don't bust my ass)
wish me luck on my last final - yay for the final final...
And maybe tomorrow I will be June Cleaver - on second thought, yeah no....

A Las vegas Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day !!!
This morning as I sit propped in bed, bleary eyed from my hell week, coffee on my nightstand, computer teetering my knees, I am reminiscing about Mothers Day 2009 and wishing I had a time machine...
Mothers Day 2009 was epic, I dare say the grandness of that spectacular weekend shall never be duplicated or surpassed.
I went to Las Vegas Nevada with my BFF Mary, just her and I.... No kids.... yesssss
And boy did I catch hell for that...
First, my soon to be ex-husband spat venom about me "leaving" my kids on Mothers Day -
How could I do such a thing?
Oh please, I think they'll live - real issue at hand was me loose in VEGAS!
Then my ex-friend unleashed her self righteous, holier than thou crap on me and tried to damn me to hell - ohhh ahhh ewwww, what kind of Mother leaves her kids on Mothers Day????
I'll tell you what kind - Me and Mary, two of the most dedicated, committed and loving Mothers you'll ever find, yessir me and Mary, that's who - bye bye.
And imagine that...two years later and my kids are alive and bear no emotional scars from my leaving them on MY DAY. humph.
Thankfully, I remember the entire trip vividly and I can recall the moments regularly, I just close my eyes and return to the lights, sounds and action of Las Vegas -
OH MY...
The events are too many to tell here, but I'll share some favorite snippets to make you green with envy...
First there was the over book at the airport - "anyone who wants to give up their seat to take a later flight earns a free ticket anywhere in the continental US"
Um yeah, score!
And I still arrived in Vegas before Mirm in plenty of time to have the crusty bartender at the airport bar get me drunk off one margarita, 3/4ths tequila one part margarita mix (the Vegas way)
Mary landed, we were an airport spectacle of love and joy, then the cab ride off to the emerald casino/hotel. At our first red light we pulled up to a drunk girl in the passenger seat of a huge pick-up truck belting a Michael McDonald song much to the chagrin of her testy boyfriend. Because we are instigators by nature and a soul sister always needs back up singers, we chimed in and made a fast friend, "fuck yeah" and a fist pump to the air as the light turned green and they sped away.
Welcome to Vegas, yee haw.
Wardrobe change at the MGM, off to eat, and then to the most rocking club where we danced on tables until the wee hours of four am - there were cosmo's for her tequila shots for me, Mary proceeded to destroy the confidence of an albino man and the transvestites were wearing beauty Padget banners...yesss.
We stumbled to our room at 7am, attempted to sleep, gave up and ordered red bulls from room service.
I began day one with a self induced puke (my first time) initially thinking I had failed miserably for nothing at all happened but fierce gagging and retching - then suddenly my stomach seized so hard I puked my guts out and also peed involuntarily. Nice.
We began our day at the buffet from hell, more food than I have ever seen in one place - I had a diet pepsi and mashed potato's - my theory behind this meal, gotta create a coating for the stomach, a good base for alcohol consumption - then I killed the dessert bar (so much for my no sugar diet)
Then off to see the MGM lion (so cool) then exclusive pool party time.
I love Las Vegas pools, the people are too hot for the eyes - I mean seriously too hot, yum.
We drank pina colada's all day in the Nevada sun, then packed up and checked into the luxurious Trump Plaza hotel where both Mary and I wanted to live forever and ever and ever.
We showered, got sexy, then back to the MGM for the Dave Matthews Band with opening act Jason Mraz. Really is this happening?
Now, I must explain here that a dear sweet lady in my store, several moths previous had warned me about the stilettos in Vegas - she said leave them home, do comfort.
Yeah right, no stilettos in Vegas - if not Vegas than where?
So Mary and I strutted in stilettos from hell and were in hell, as we were paraded through the entire venue with security who were getting us to the "correct" pre-concert party. (old crow was right on - stilettos = uncompromising pain)
We were served lovely drinks at the "right" party and just as we sipped, we were accosted by other security guards - we were in the wrong place again... I said "well I am finishing my drink soooo" - than we were booted, I was a good girl and didn't make a fuss...
To our seats, in front of a Dave head and his bubble headed girlfriend who didn't know CCR on the loudspeaker and giggled a lot about nothing in her I just sucked a helium balloon voice - Oh what men will put up with for a little snatch...
Jason finally came out and we cheered the loudest - on my god there is our boy, and of course he sang beautiful mess - we linked arms, swayed and cried because what else can the original beautiful messes do but cry for their own anthem? Perfection, I mean really it was perfect.
Than Jason says "You ready to get your DMB on?" and the crowd went crazy,the lights went on, the music started and off we go..
Now for all of you who do not know DMB well, Leroi Moore the saxophone player had recently died in the midst of making the grux album - this was the first time Mary and I would hear the band without our beloved Leroi and the new music from the album dedicated to him - it was surreal, the whole night, I mean I couldn't have dreamed it any better - one of the most spiritual and emotional events of my life and I pretty much did the Deb ugly laugh cry the whole damn night.
Then the craziest shit happened, which will not sound spectacular to you, but I assure you it was....
DMB played the most insane version of SO DAMN LUCKY that I have ever heard. It was like an outer body thing, the screaming and the repetition and the rain drops on the big screen and the lights, round and around and around....He went on forever and ever I cried as though I had just been born - Me in Vegas with my girl and I am surviving this marital separation,kids ate okay, I am enrolled to begin school, I have a best friend that never fails and I am in tact and just so DAMN LUCKY.
The girl in front of us turned to face the screaming mess that I was and high ten'd me, said "you're the best DMB fan ever" - smart, cute girl you have absolutely no idea.
The next day was supposed to be a recovery mission by the Trump pool, rest and relaxation- and it was, except we hooked up poolside with Kevin Thilborger a compadre to no end so inevitably the patron shots started coming by way of the sexy bikini wearing waitress (Vegas is so sexy)
We made the mistake of not hydrating with anything other than alcohol - we were so distracted by the wolf man and the torrid going's on a round us that we forgot we were in Nevada heat and water is a necessity.
Needless to say we were three sheets to the wind and sunburned to boot.
At some point Mary and I thought it was a good idea to synchronize swim and do in water acrobatics - so drunk = not so smart.
I did a scissor hand stand a the jolly green giant ever so gracefully dove through my legs like a sea world Dolpin.
Kevin was so ecstatic my our performance we did it again, only second go round Mary's breasts caught up in my crotch and I was driven head first to the bottom of pool.
I thought I was paralyzed, Mary was too drunk to take me seriously,
I asked her like 15 times if I was okay - would paralysis be automatic with a broken neck or would it happen over time?
OMG.
Got no time for fatal injuries, tonight is James and Jason at the Pearl.
Back to our room, Mary calls room service, answers the door in her terry robe with her pretty cleavage peeking and sloshes her cubes in her drink. We were so made for the good life - Mary lovessss room service.
As I lay on the tiled floor of a shower cube bigger than my house with the water beating down on me, I thought maybe the neck injury had in fact killed me.... Was Mary really in a robe like that, such pretty ski lifts and she looked so beautiful in the steamy light, so warm up against that white terry robe with the marble tiles as her backdrop - I think I am in heaven.
No just drunk and drowning in the trump shower - oh tequila, how much I love thee.
Oh Las Vegas how corrupting you are...
Showered and stiffly upright, still thinking paralysis is inevitable, off to dinner and the mIdnight show at the pearl.
We were so burned and so tired and so hungover, that we again, ordered red bulls at dinner to accompany the alcohol, hoping we would have stamina to get beyond the time change, midnight is three am to East Coast gals.
In my butterfly dress (butterfly babbyyyyyy - a present from Mary just for the show) I stumbled through the Palms casino arm and arm with my one true love...
Heaven I am in heaven.
Finally in our seats, next to the two most awkward teenagers on a date, we settled in for James who when began singing, prompted my mouth to hand open in disbelief. OMG his voice and the Pearls seamless sound system..
Quickly, Mary jumped up to cozily speak to a security man who can only be described as chocolate love perfection and before I knew it she was motioning me to c'mon..
Down to the stage side we went, led by chocolate lover and yesssss we are on the floor.
Then Jason and the repetitive nature of perfect concerts....He began "HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ALL YOU CRAZY MOTHER FUCKERS" (love him)
We danced like we have never danced before and he sang us (almost) all our favorite songs.... a continuum of the best nights ever.
We got the set list, cause that's what we do and marveled at a couple of old groupies we aspire to be like one day when we are old...
Back to the taxi line from hell, Mary's purse molested by a crack head and finally sleep at the Trump Plaza.
Last day at the Bellagio, lovely Mother's day lunch at the hotel, marvel at the butterfly gardens and glass sculptures, then shopping all day in the Grecian themed malls. Wow, really another freaking world.
One of my favorite times spent in a mall bar, free drinks from the Boston bartender and hours of quiet talking, two best friends on a perfect Mothers day - love her, love her talks - love her with all my silly little heart.
Then more casino's, lots of alcohol and back to the Bellage for a few hours rest before our flights home.
This is merely an outline - the details of this weekend are so many that in effect I have enough material to write a book...
It was without a doubt the best Mother's day I have ever had.
Sure Mothers day with your kids and their home made cards and breakfast in bed is magnificent - but, a weekend away from Motherhood to celebrate the role that defines your very existence is sometimes just what a good Mother needs.
Debauchery Vegas style is in high order after twenty years of being called MOM.
I cannot thank Mary enough for this trip or her friendship - it really is a blessing beyond what words can describe.
I had, simply put, the best time ever.
This Mothers day is far more quiet and the tiredness that hangs on me is just from my life, unfortunately not tequila and raucous partying.
Even though it is of the simple nature- this day is great too none the less.
In fact last night, right around the witching hour, my seventeen year old plopped his head in my lap and asked me to sing landslide to him like I used to when he was little... I rubbed his hair, and kissed his face and he didn't fight me or pull away. sigh....
I was in another kind of Mothers day heaven that also made me cry.
If you are a Mom, Happy Happy Mothers Day.
What you are, is the most important person in the world - you do the most important job. Props to you.
Motherhood is hard, really hard.
Motherhood gives you a love that both sustains and sucks the living life right out of you.
It is a see-saw of emotions.
I hope today is a great day for you all.
I hope you all get treated like the beautiful Queens you are.
And if you have never had an epic mothers day away like the one I described - I highly suggest you book a trip for next year.
Memories like these will give you fuel for the long motherhood haul.
And with that, off to my adoring children.

Mirm - thanks for everything you crazy mother fucker - I love you.

menacing crow be gone

Okay so two blogs in one morning = girl avoiding real life. It is what it is....
So here I am here again writing, only this time full of panic. I just viewed a large black crow shimmying her way down the railing, straight for Mother red breasts nest.I ran outside like it were my own kids being threatened to find that nasty hungry bird fully prepared to stand her ground. She stared at me, bore me down with her eyes as if to say, those eggs are my next meal.
Oh my God.
I lunged towards her, fully prepared myself to take her out and lose an eye if I must, and she finally retreated to the sky, her black wings spread out like Voldemort's cloak, or even worse the wicked witch's silky cape. I am a wreck.
Naturally I called Mary who has no patience for my nonsense as she is working and a spread sheet was otherwise pissing her off - she simply said "It is the way of nature" or something to that truthful effect.
Really a bird eats another birds eggs? - dislike.
I feel powerless to change the order of things and am really hoping that this whole nest in my Nana's plant thing isn't a lesson in the way of the world for me and my kids. I had such high hopes for something else...
But sigh, that is the disappointment of real life and so I fear I must internally prepare for the worst.
It hurts me to think of that poor Mother bird working so hard for her babies and in the end having them disappear before her helpless eyes.
Can a robin duke it out with a crow?
I sure hope so.
Motherhood is hard.
Motherhood can end badly.
Makes me think of all the Mother's who battle for their kids - some to just get them born... Some who fight for them to live through illness.
We all have black crows to face at one point or another...
I want to intervene, rescue that nest, but me approaching it is as fateful as that stalking black bird - this I know for sure.
She and I, we represent the same thing to Mother red breast.
So I guess I will just have to hope for the best like always in life, and pray with all my might that the eggs survive the battle of nature.
dislike dislike dislike (my how facebook language pervades)
Off to shower, dress and work and leave this whole scene behind.
Really wish I owned a slingshot...