Double Stuff

It's been a while I know....Laying low, trying to get back to a normal life less a very specific brand of crazy. I feel better every day, every hour that passes in silence, I feel like I can finally hear myself again in the days of quiet. What I hear today is a lot of sneezing (Emma gave me her cold) and the voice in my head railing against double standards.....Nothing pisses me off more than double standards. I love how men can do whatever the fuck they want, cheat, lie, threaten, intimidate, insult, bully etc. etc. BUT when a woman fights against those things as hard core as she is assaulted with them, she is deemed CRAZY. Well, only the people who commit the list call the names, but still DAMN....I can't stand the dish without the take. It really pisses me off. If I am threatened to be hurt, done bodily harm, killed even - in a country where I pay my taxes and should be free to enjoy the Liberty that my Grandfather fought for, enjoy my God given right to live - well I will be damned to not fight back and say NO it is not okay for me to be bullied. Not me or any other woman for that matter - what kind of example would I set for my daughter sitting idle while her potential is being threatened. Um no - I am a woman, a human being, an American citizen and a democrat to boot. Do not threaten my liberties and...go ahead call me crazy if you will...I really do not care one bit. You got a problem with my standards??? - you definitely commit the offenses of the list above. (cheat lie threaten intimidate insult bully etc. etc.) F that. Today my dearest friend Rachel said she had a message for me - the message had to do with not sabotaging my own voice and being a mouth piece for God. I love Rachel - love that she referred to me as a "mouth piece" - hilarious. I get her drift though - brought my "message" which came in the form of a fax while at work, HOME with me to add it to my fortune collection. I collect fortune cookie fortunes, keep them in a crystal box for safe cataloging. I have has some seriously bad ass fortunes lately. I have been craving lo mein noodles a lot, sue me. THE TIME IS AT HAND was how my Rachel message/fortune ended. I think she may be exactly right.....Gotta take care of this mouth piece, it has important shit to say. On a not a double standard or fortune note - I would like to say that watching my daughter swim in JSL's last Friday was one of the most amazing experiences to date. Her tenacity is just awe inspiring, she is a fighter and a competitor a true sportswoman, simply put - my pride and joy. Watching her fight her way down the lane is just the most awesome feeling ever. It's my accomplishment cause she is my baby girl and yet it is all on her - all her doing and she owns herself in those moments so well that it is hard not to explode with pride watching my baby become her very own hard core girl. She is something else my girl - so proud of her, her efforts, her accomplishments, her attitude - so very proud. I am also proud as heck to be part of the swim team family. Our little team family is something else - my daughters coaches the BEST bunch of kids walking the planet. They are the most devoted, genuine, loving, inspiring group of teenagers I have ever had the pleasure of knowing - I feel so lucky for Emma to have their influence and support, their mentoring but also grateful as heck to be loved by them myself and to love them all individually as well. Swim meets are family time :) And with that I guess I have no more to say for tonight, the glare from the computer screen is giving me a major headache. I am praying for the peace to continue, and that it will settle down on fighting hearts and there will be surrender. Kids need peace, adults need peace, it's the only healthy way. I also really want some chili chocolate or peanut m&m's.... I black out the windows and he bolts up the doors, I'm wound up with thinkin' and he sleeps on the floor, he kisses like a masochist and I'm better off alone, real love is harder than I ever could have known - honeyhoney